


Bound

by creative_mind86



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Attempted Murder, Comfort, Complete, F/M, Hurt, Love, Murder, Pregnancy, Reconciliation, Redemption, Sex, Sexual Assault, Violence, finding inner peace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 14:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2625503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creative_mind86/pseuds/creative_mind86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Sigyn need to marry each other to get out of their Asgardian prison cell. Their magic will be bound and they will be guarded all the time. How do they manage to get out of this situation? And will they find happiness together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written from Loki’s and Sigyn’s point of view.  
> It starts after the Avengers when Loki is in his Asgaridan prison cell.
> 
> I’m not native (I’m Dutch), so my English grammar/spelling is not perfect. I really did my best though…
> 
> Update:  
> 1 May 2015: I edited this whole fanfic. The story is still the same, but the English is somewhat better now. Still need a beta though ;-)

‘What?!’ Loki stopped pacing through his cell and looked straight at his mother’s face. He did not want to sound so shocked but he could not believe what she was saying. ‘You want me to marry some commoner?’

‘She is not a commoner, Loki’, Frigga answered. ‘Her father served in Odin’s army and died in the war against the Jotuns. Her mother was one of my handmaidens before she married.’

Loki raised his eyebrows. ‘And she already said yes to this arrangement?’

Frigga nodded.

Loki narrowed his eyes. ‘And why would you think I will do the same? My magic will be bound, you say, and I will have guards around me all the time. Will they be in my chambers as well, guarding me while I sleep?’

‘No, of course not’, Frigga answered.

‘And what of him?’ Loki nodded to Thor who stood behind his mother in total silence. Hands pressed behind his back, eyeing him as a guarding dog through the magic sealed glass wall.

Frigga stepped closer to Loki. ‘Odin only approved my proposition if Thor would marry Sif.’

Loki’s eyes widened. Thor had to give _her_ up, his precious Jane? But what for? Loki knew Thor did not love Sif as he loved Jane. Sif on the other hand would be more than thrilled with this arrangement. The love for him was shown plainly on her face. He looked at Thor then, discomfort shown in the golden boy’s eyes, even though he tried to conceal it. But concealing his feelings was never Thor’s strongest point.

Loki grinned knowing his future life was not the only one that was at stake here. ‘Did I miss the festivities?’

‘No’, Frigga answered. ‘Yours will be first.’

Loki looked back to his mother and his grin disappeared from his face. ‘Why?’

‘You know why, Loki. I love you and I don’t want you to spend in this cell for the rest of your life. I want to hold you again.’ She stepped even closer to the wall and laid her hand on the glass. She could do so without any consequence. Loki, the prisoner, however, could not. He tried once, but a shock prevented him from trying again. ‘You are my son’, her voice quivered.

Loki clenched his hands into fists and averted his moisten eyes. Even now her distress pained him. Maybe he could push Odin away, hate him for lying to him all these years, disown him as his father. But not Frigga, no, not her, not his mother. Even though he wanted to, he tried to, he could not.

‘And what of _her_?’ he asked, referring to his bride.

‘Her name is Sigyn’, Frigga answered. He could hear hope returning in her voice again. He hated the affect that it had on him.

‘And?’ he asked.

‘She has magic, just like you.’

Loki looked at his mother then. There was something that she did not tell him. For why would a woman concur to marry a man she never has seen or spoken to before? He folded his arms in front of his chest. ‘She is not ugly, is she?’

Frigga shook her head. ‘No, I think you will be very pleased by her.’

‘Then why did she agree? Does she even know who I am?’

Frigga averted her eyes. ‘She does.’

Loki peered at his mother. ‘Who I _really_ am?’

Frigga looked back up to Loki again. ‘Yes, we did tell her.’

‘And she still agreed? Why?’ he asked with a low voice.

‘She was accused, like you, Loki.’

Loki saw the discomfort in his mother’s eyes. It had to be something grave, for otherwise she would not hold her tongue so. ‘What for?’

‘She killed an innocent person with her magic’, answered Frigga softly, so softly he almost could not hear her.

‘She did what?’ Loki could not suppress to laugh, it sounded too ridiculous. ‘So you want to marry one convicted criminal to another? And how is that a good idea?’

‘Just like you, her magic will be bound and she will be guarded.’

Loki shook his head. She would gain nothing from marrying him. Yes, she would be a princess, live in the palace and have a wealthy life, if that was what she wanted. But she would be scowled at by the court people for being _his_ wife. She would never be in Odin’s favour, for Thor and Sif would be the golden couple. And on top of it all she would marry a Jotun, a monster… ‘She must be truly desperate.’

‘She does not want to spend the rest of her life in a cell, Loki, nor should you want to.’

Loki narrowed his eyes. ‘And why not? Do I not belong here, just like my fellow prisoners? You people like to lock monsters away, don’t you?’

Frigga pressed her hand between her eyes. ‘Loki, please.’

Thor stepped forward and laid his hand on his mother’s shoulder. Loki scowled at him and wanted to burn that hand of his away. He decided that he could no longer look at the two and started pacing through his cell again, hands behind his back, jaws pressed together. Of course he did not want to spend the rest of his life in this ever enlightened cell, with only books to pass his time. But what freedom would he have with guards surrounding him all the time? And his magic, what of his magic? ‘Is there a chance I will regain my magic back?’

‘Yes, of course there is’, Frigga answered quickly with hopeful eyes, but Thor pressed his hand firmer in her shoulder.

‘That’s up to the All-Father’, he answered stern.

‘Ah, of course.’ Loki grinned. ‘The problem with the guards as well, I presume?’

Thor nodded.

‘And what is that he asks of me?’

‘Your loyalty’, Thor answered him again.

Loki raised his eyebrows. ‘My loyalty? He should have thought about that sooner.’

Thor clenched his hands into fists. ‘You disowned him.’

‘How could I have done that, Thor, when he is not even my father?’

‘He is your father, just like I am your brother and Frigga is your mother.’

‘You are not…’ Loki tightened his jaw, he did not want to go there. ‘He lied to _me_.’

‘He wants to make amends’, Frigga said.

Loki laughed. Amends, why would the All-Father want that?

‘He loves you still, you know’, she continued.

Loki stopped laughing and his eyes harden. ‘Well, he has a funny way of showing it then. How am I supposed to be loyal to someone I do not trust?’

Frigga shook her head and placed her hands before her eyes. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.’

Thor placed his arm around her shoulder. ‘We tried mother, there’s nothing more we can do about it. If he does not want to, he will not.’

Frigga nodded and without looking at Loki they turned around and walked away.

‘You forget that I have not given an answer yet.’ Loki smirked when they turned their heads towards him. ‘When will I meet my pretty bride?’


	2. Chapter 2

All of it was a blur to her. She did not know how she got here, into his arms, on the dance floor, him swirling her around as if they did this for years. But in truth it was their first time, the first time she was so close to him. She could smell him and feel his body weight pressing upon her. They shared one quick kiss to seal the wedding vows. He did not seem to enjoy it much. Their hands were bound with one white, one red and one golden ribbon. The colours were symbolic for something, but she already couldn’t remember what for. She said the vows, like he. She said yes to a lifetime with him, a lifetime with a murderer. That was what he was. He committed the crime, more than once. And she? She was innocent. She never killed anyone, they sentence her to prison, but she was falsely accused. _He_ was not.

She didn’t know him at all, apart from what they have told her and what was common knowledge. He was a stranger to her as much as she was a stranger to him. Her reasons for marrying him were clear once they gave her the option, marrying Loki or stay in prison for maybe the rest of her life. She said yes to Loki, to a marriage, but maybe too quickly, maybe she did not give it much of a thought after all. He was a god and had a long life ahead of him. She, as his wife, did as well. Now she married him, she became his equal. But would he ever recognize her as his equal? She was of noble birth, he might care about that.

Sigyn looked up at Loki but his eyes were averted. Not once had he looked her straight into her eyes. Maybe she wasn’t to his liking. She moved her hand over his shoulder and pressed her cheek in his long black hairs. She wasn’t even aware it tickled her. She stared in front of her, but everything was a blur. Not only her head, but her vision as well and she could not separate one guest from another.

Odin was there, Frigga was there, Thor and Sif, the Warriors Three and the people of the court, noble people, were there she knew. They came to witness their wedding. She did not think it would be a celebration like this. Formal, yes, but not celebrated. Not with a banquet, not with dancing. For Loki was who he was and she herself was not well looked upon either. She was no lady of the court. She tightened her hand in his velvet green cape. She could not cry, not now, she brought this upon herself. She was on her own now, no one to protect her, protect her from what was coming.

‘Are you alright?’ Loki asked.

He did not seem to care very much, or at least his voice did not give such away.

Sigyn straightened her back and pushed him slightly away, aware that she was leaning more heavily upon him. ‘I’m fine,’ Her voice didn’t sound as solid as she wished it to be, but she was never good in hiding the truth anyway.

Loki brought his mouth to her ear. ‘Liar.’ His husky voice gave her the shivers.

‘Well, you would know, being the biggest of them all.’ Sigyn regretted her reply the moment the words left her mouth. The answer could anger him and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

But he smirked. ‘Yes, Lie-smith is my middle name, just as Silver-tongue. But you already knew this did you not, Sigyn?’

Suddenly he looked at her. His green eyes glittered. His gaze was intense, as if he read her mind. She swallowed hard. She wasn’t scared of him, at least she told herself that. He could not harm her. Well, he could of course, but not with his magic. It was bound, just like hers. He stared long into her eyes, too long, for it made her feel uncomfortable. She wanted to look away, but knew that was a bad idea. She had to show him she was not scared of him in any way, even as she was, maybe, a little bit. He _was_ a murderer after all.

‘I will need to teach you this, as my wife. I don’t want my reputation to be ruined.’

He sounded as if he meant it but Sigyn could not tell whether it was a jest or not.

Other couples joined them on the dance floor, even prince Thor and his fiancée Sif. Odin and Frigga did not, they sat on their thrones high above everyone else talking quietly to each other or drinking from their wine. They made their vows up there to Odin, kneeling in front of him, Loki scowling and Sigyn nervously.

No one close to her came to her wedding. The people who lived in the city weren’t present. Theoric, the man her mother married after the death of her father, was invited but she had not seen him. Maybe he would not come. She knew him as a man with very strong principles and he would not like to see her marry a criminal, even if he was a princely one.

But there, did she not see him there in the distance? Just behind the crowd, by the pillar? She would recognize his reddish brown beard, his kind eyes and ever smiling mouth. But he did not smile now. His eyes were focused on her, but he did not smile. Not even waved, not even greeted her with a nod of his head. He just stood there, his arms folded before his chest.

Sigyn wanted to push Loki away and go to him, talk to him, explain to him what had happened. But she knew she could not. She was trapped between the god of mischief and the people surrounding them. She could not go. She hoped to explain him with her expressions that she had no choice in the matter. But he turned around and walked away.

‘No’, she whispered.

‘No?’ Loki asked and turned his head once he knew she wasn’t talking to him. He saw a glimpse of Theoric walking away. He smirked. ‘Ah, a lovers quarrel.’

Sigyn looked at him with moisten eyes and pushed against his chest. ‘He is not…’

Then the gong rang three times and the music stopped abruptly. The king and queen rose from their seats when three man and three women came towards them, barefoot and clothed in nothing more than thin nightwear. Their private parts were covered enough, but the breasts from the women were visible through their dress. Sigyn swallowed, she knew what was coming next. She did not really prepare herself for this part of the night yet, pushing it away until it was reality and now it was. She regretted her decision for delaying.

The six persons with a group of ten guards led them out of the Feasting Hall to their chambers. The walk was long and with each step her heart pounded more heavily in her chest. She was even afraid Loki and the others could hear it. Luckily her heels were making more sound on the polished marble floor than all the ten guards together.

When they arrived at their chambers, a big door first led them to an anteroom. There two other doors appeared. The one that led to the bedchamber was opened for them. Two guards placed themselves in front of the main door, while the other eight disappeared. Loki and Sigyn entered the bedchamber with the six men and women. Sigyn was led to a separate room from Loki and got undressed with the help from the three women. They did not spoke to her.

Her white wedding dress made of silk and lace with little pearls sewed on her body came off more quickly than it came on. She wanted to protest when they helped her with the underdress and underclothing leaving her naked in front of three strangers. But she thought it would be considered rude to push them away. She placed her arms in front of her body and felt her face redden. But it seemed the women weren’t even looking at her and led her to a filled bath. When her body dropped down under water one of the women let down her copper blond hair and brushed the long wavy locks. She drowsed off a bit from the warmth and scented water.

Dressed in nothing but a thin white nightdress and a heavy silken white robe, she was led back to the bedchamber. The women bowed to her and left. She was alone, but she knew Loki would arrive soon. With a pounding heart she looked around. Candles were lit and the fire gave the chamber a warm glow. But the ground was cold at her feet and soon she lost the warmth of the bath. She walked to the bed and sat on the deep green satin bedspread, deep green like Loki’s cape. The chamber held nothing more than a small table with two chairs and a cabinet pressed to the other wall.

Then the door on the opposite of the room opened and Loki walked in. He was dressed in a green robe and easy-fitting pants. The three men bowed to him and left. Without his horned helmet he looked smaller, but not more regal. When the doors closed he looked at her and then at the wine standing on the small table. He grinned and walked over to the table. He filled the two cups with the alcohol that was most welcome. Sigyn had not eaten much at the banquet, but had not drunk much either. She took the cup when he offered her and drank, drank until there was nothing left.

‘Thirsty are we?’ Loki grinned again. Was it out of nervousness? Sigyn could not tell, but she had seen him doing that a lot this evening.

She held out her cup to him and he filled hers and his to the top. She drank again, slower this time. With each sip she could feel her body consume the alcohol. She never drank much in her life. She knew it was poison, knew what it could do. She had seen Theoric drink too much. He lost his manners afterwards. But she needed it now and maybe losing her manners was the best thing that could happen tonight. It had to be done, the wedding had to be sealed. She knew that was part of this night, was, after the vows, all this night was about.

She had to admit she was a bit scared. Not that she never kissed a man, cuddled with a man or seen a man naked before, but she had not given herself away yet. She wanted to save herself for a man that loved her for who she was and she loved him back in the same way he did. But she had not found such a man, not yet, and then this happened. Now she had to give herself away, willingly or not, to a man she did not know, did not love, to a man that did not know her, did not love her.

When he poured their cups for a third time he drank his in one sip and sat next to her on the bed. She stiffened when he laid his hand on her lower back. ‘Show yourself to me’, his voice close to her ear made her shiver.

She knew what he asked of her and slowly she rose, her feet touching the cold floor. She took another sip from her cup before she placed it aside next to his. Then she turned back to him and without looking at him she untied the knot from her heavy robe and it fell from her shoulders. She stood there, breathing heavily. It was not enough, she knew.

‘Show me more’, his voice quivered a bit maybe.

With trembling hands she took the hem of her nightgown in her hands and pulled it over her head. She stood naked in front of him now. She wanted to place her arms around her, hiding the nakedness, shielding herself from the cold. She knew his eyes feasted on her even though she still did not look at him. Her breasts were small, not heavy and present like Sif’s. Her legs and arms long, her waist slim, maybe she was too bony.

He rose and his robe fell from his shoulders. She looked at him, could not look away. He was bonier than she thought, but maybe his imprisonment had something to do with that. His chest was not as muscular as his brother’s but still masculine. His dark hair and white skin were contrasting.

Suddenly he placed his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. ‘You are very pretty’, his voice was husky and he breathed loud in her ear.

Pretty, yes she had heard that one before, many times, from many men who wanted more from her than she would ever give them.

He pushed her on the bed. ‘But you already knew that, did you not, _wife_.’

She looked at him then, his green eyes were glittering, not with mischief, but with something else. He desired her. She had seen that look on men’s faces before.

He kissed her neck, while cupping her breasts with his hands. She closed her eyes. His hands glided along the waistline of her body and his mouth followed not far behind. He kissed her on the inside of her thighs, close to her private part. She let out a heavy breath. But when his fingers found her core she wanted him to stop. She did not expect him to do this, to please her. She just thought he would do his part and done was the night. She was familiar with the satisfying feeling, but she did not want to show her vulnerability to him. Not now and maybe never. She did not even know him. He was a murderer. But she could not, would not maybe, push him away neither. She moaned when his mouth found her belly button. Not that his tongue on that spot was satisfying her, but she could not help herself. His fingers were doing all the magic work. Her mouth fell open when the satisfying feeling washed over her like shock waves, more heavily and suddenly than when she did it by herself. Her voice filled the quiet room, but she was not aware, she was not aware of anything at all.

She came back to her senses when something hard pressed against her core and she knew it was him. She looked up but his face was shielded by his black locks. He had pulled himself up and was bended over her. She opened her legs instinctively and looked at first when he pushed his length into her. But the sensation, strange to her, made her moan differently, not in pain, but mere stress. She was suddenly aware she couldn’t go anywhere, pressed onto the mattress by his weight. She was trapped, imprisoned, his arms surrounding her. She looked away, to the window, to the balcony. She saw the stars freely occupying space.

She took a deep breath when he pushed into her once more and she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to hold on. He lowered his body and she could hear him breathe in her ear heavily. With each stroke he pressed her more into the mattress, she almost could not breath.

‘You are crushing me’, she said, her voice soft, to soft maybe, for he pushed again.

But then he looked at her and pushed himself up before he gave a final stroke. Now the room was filled with his scream, with his voice.

When he rolled off her, the air, the space close around her, was once her own. She looked up to the ceiling, he did as well. His seed was warm and sticky. She felt it between her legs when she closed them together. The wedding was sealed, like it was supposed to. Sigyn wondered if he would have her every night. Could she say no to him? Did she want to say no? She did not know, for she did not know him. He was a murderer, he was a liar. She knew that. He had magic like her, was bound, just like hers.

Cold crept up to her soon, even though the room was heated with the fire. She stood up and placed her heavy robe around her shoulders. ‘Would they still be listening?’ she asked while she walked to the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

When Sigyn woke up daylight flowed like a golden river through the balcony doors. She turned around. Loki was gone. She heard noises coming from the other room. She stood up, placed the heavy robe around her bare shoulders and walked to the door next to Loki’s side of the bed. When she opened it she saw a servant girl placing a tray with bread, jam, cheese and freshly pressed orange juice on a round table. She looked up at Sigyn and bowed.

‘Good morning, princess.’

‘Good morning’, Sigyn replied.

The servant girl smiled and quickly disappeared through the door that led to the anteroom.

When Sigyn looked at the tray again her mouth watered, suddenly she was very hungry. She took a seat on one of the four chairs placed around the table and poured herself some juice. The bread was still warm and preferring sweet in the morning, she chose jam instead of cheese. She looked around. This was their living room, with a couch on the other side of the chamber and three well filled book cases. This chamber also had a balcony, which was bigger than the one from the bedroom. She opened the doors and while eating her slice of bread she looked over the city. She closed her eyes. She loved the morning sun warming her face. When she still lived in the city she walked to a hill close to her home every morning to greet the new day. The moment when she reached the hill and the first rays of light appeared in the sky was most special for her, because in that moment she thought of her mother and her father.

She thought of her mother and father now, but Theoric was also present in her mind. He just left! She could not even explain to him why she made the choice to marry Loki. It pained her, for he was like a father to her, a guardian. She knew he would never approve, but he did not even give her a chance to explain. She wanted to visit him, but knew that would be difficult. She was not permitted to leave the palace grounds.

‘Did your parents never tell you to eat at the table?’

Sigyn turned around and saw Loki taking place at the table. He had taken a bath and was dressed in a green suit with a long black leather jacket on top of it.

She walked inside. ‘My parents are dead.’

Loki looked up at her and traced her face and body. She didn’t wear suitable clothing and her long hair hung wild around her face, while he had taken the time to prepare himself properly for this moment. Sigyn never realised they would share breakfast together. She thought he already left their chambers before she woke and she would be on her own. A silly thought of course. Sharing their first breakfast together was also still a part of their wedding day, even if it was not the most important part. Feeling a bit ashamed she took her seat again.

‘Lucky you’, he answered.

Sigyn shook her head. ‘You don’t know what you are saying.’

‘In fact, I do. I have been in this family long enough.’ He grinned. ‘But you will find out soon enough.’

Sigyn took another sip of her juice while watching him eat his bread. She still did not know if he spoke in jest or if he was serious. His grinning did not tell her anything either.

‘Were this your old chambers?’ Sigyn asked.

‘No, mine were next to Thor’s, at the south side of the palace. But the golden boy got my rooms and together with his they will form the love nest of him and his fiancée. He has twice the size of space we have.’ Loki explained while never averting his eyes from his food. He took a sip from his juice and looked at her then. ‘We are dangling at the end of the food chain, so to speak, just so you know.’

Sigyn did not mind. She was accustomed to live relatively small and here on the east side of the palace they could enjoy the lovely morning sun.

‘Do they always bring our breakfast or is this especially for us?’ Sigyn asked.

‘Do you really think they would do something special for us?’ Loki laughed, but Sigyn did not understand why. When he finished his laughter, he looked up at her.

‘Breakfast and lunch will be served in our chambers, dinner will be in the Grand Hall. Mind you, we need to be present every night and we need to be on time. But the servants will warn you and your handmaidens will help you get dressed.’

‘How many handmaidens will I have?’

‘Two, I guess. I have two boys who help me.’

Sigyn cast her eyes down. She was not accustomed to court life, with all the rules, spoken and unspoken. She needed Loki to survive this, but how much was he willing to help her?

‘Sigyn.’

She looked up when Loki called her. He nodded towards two young women who stood by the bedchamber door.

He grinned. ‘Your handmaidens are waiting.’

Sigyn sighed softly, quickly took another sip from her juice and followed the two young women to her bathroom.

*

The first thing Loki wanted to go to was the library, for that was what he had missed most about Asgard. The presence of the guard irritated him and he tried to get rid of him by walking faster, but he realised it made no difference. If he had a dagger he would have stabbed the bastard, but he was not allowed to have any sort of weapon. He could not even keep the blunt breakfast knife. He knew the guard would easily overpower him. He was a big man, maybe even bigger than Thor. He eyed the other guard in the anteroom for a second. He was much smaller, meant to guard a woman. He smiled briefly, knowing they were scared of him then. They knew, if it came to a fight with bare hands and brute strength, that Loki could not win from someone with the size of Thor.

When he entered the library the guard stayed at the door while Loki could walk freely around. That, at least, was a relief. He went straight to the exclusive section where some old books about dark magic could be found. He needed to find another way to gain his magic back. Turning to Odin was no option. His magic was bound, but there was always a way to unbind such a thing.

When he wanted to enter, the door was locked. He tried again, but still, locked. While he knocked with his fists almost violently on the door, the guard came towards him. Loki looked at him with fiery eyes. ‘Open this door, at once!’ he commanded.

The guard shook his head. ‘The All-Father did not allow you entrance to that chamber.’

Loki scowled and walked past the guard with big steps. The All-Father knew him well, too well. He knew Loki would try to find another way by studying those books. But apparently the answer was also found in one of them, otherwise Odin would not have closed this section. He walked over to the collection of books about magic which were not behind locked doors, perhaps he would find a lead there.

*

When Sigyn entered the living room cleaned, combed and dressed in a silken light green dress which was picked out for her, Loki and the breakfast tray were gone. The sun was still present on the balcony, but she decided to go outside. When she entered the anteroom a guard presented itself to her.

‘I would like to go to the garden, would you show me the way?’

The guard nodded and opened the door towards the hallway.

The grandness of the palace astonished her. She felt small walking past those high pillars. She wondered if this was common for every floor, but she did not think the servants had such halls and such chambers as hers and Loki’s. He believed theirs was small, but they had their separate bath- and dressing room and a bed- and living room with a balcony. This was luxury compared to her former house in the city. She might be the daughter of a noble man and woman, but they did not leave her with much wealth. She always had to work to make a living, but she did not mind. She loved to help people, to tend to their needs. She was well known as healer and she was well loved, until the citizens accused her of something she did not do.

When they reached the garden she almost immediately wanted to run and dance. It was not big, but it was pretty. She walked down the three steps from the terrace to the grass. She got rid of her shoes and found pleasure in the soft tickling underneath her bare feet. When she walked to the tree with the pink leaves she noticed the guard did not follow her and stayed on the terrace. She smiled, for she found a little bit of freedom when he hold his distance. She walked to the flowers which were planted at the borders of the garden. She kneeled and dug her hands in the earth. Oh how she missed that feeling. When she lived in the city she had her own garden, she planted mostly herbs for her potions but flowers as well. She wondered if she was permitted to tend the garden here as well. In the little round pond she washed her hands. Colourful fish came to the surface, curious to whom these hands belonged to. She smiled and for a moment she found some happiness.

*

Loki was too caught up in his reading that he forgot about the time. It was the guard that reminded him of dinner. He did not find something specifically useful in the books he browsed, but he did found out which titles he was forbidden to read. Maybe Sigyn had the permission to enter the exclusive section, she looked sweet and innocent enough. Or maybe she could bribe someone. But he was not willing to make her part of his plan just yet. First he needed to know if she would not go to the All-Father because of an unpermitted plan. He needed to know if she wanted her magic back as much as he did.

When he entered the bedchamber she was already dressed. Green looked stunning in combination with her copper blonde hair. A handmaiden placed a polished emerald hairpin in one of her long locks as a final touch, which left one of her ears bare. She had a silken mantle around her shoulders, in a different shade of green than her dress. When she was ready, she looked at him. Her glance struck him. She looked stronger than he realised, more regal. He smiled, maybe she _could_ be of use.

‘You are late’, she said annoyed.

‘We will make it in time’, he answered and went to his dressing room.

*

They waited in front of the doors which lead to the Grand Hall. They were on time, easily, Loki knew. He was dressed in his formal armour, a black leather suit with his green cape. Sigyn stood next to him. She was almost as tall as he, he did not notice before. She wore heels, but not extremely high.

Two older court ladies were standing in front of them. He knew them by face, but never spoke a word in his life to them. One of them looked at them and then back to the other woman. ‘I’m telling you, it was her’, she half whispered. ‘With bare feet, I’m telling you.’

The other woman looked at them then, but her eyes rested on Sigyn for a short while before she turned her head back. ‘She does not belong here. She can dress like us, but she is not one of us and never will be one of us.’

When the doors opened the people moved inside.

Loki looked at Sigyn then and frowned. ‘They are talking about you, you know.’

‘I know. I am not deaf, thank you very much’, she answered him, more irritated than she on the outside appeared to be.

He smiled. _Good girl._ ‘What did you do to upset those old farts so?’ Loki asked.

‘Apparently walking in the garden with no shoes on is too much for these ladies.’

‘Oh, naughty girl, maybe I should have a talk with you later this evening then.’

Sigyn looked at him, her glance surprised him again. He grinned and she pushed him away from her. ‘Shut up, Loki.’

He couldn’t stop grinning until they reached the table. A servant showed them their seats. Loki was not kidding when he told Sigyn that they were dangling at the end of the food chain. Their seats were at the end of the table and they were enclosed by older couples who would ignore the scandalous pair he and Sigyn were.

When the king and queen entered the Hall everyone stood up. Loki made sure he was the last one rising. When the All-Father and All-mother took their seats at the head of the table, the servants walked in with the plates.

Loki had missed the food that was served at this table. It was far better than the food he had to swallow in his cell and he almost orgasmed when he tasted the flavours on his tongue. Even the wine tasted like wine should taste, round and exquisite.

When he almost finished he looked at Sigyn’s plate. She did not eat much and her cup was still completely filled. Did she not like it? How could she _not_ like it? Then he looked towards the other side of the table. Thor and the Warriors Three were joking and laughing. Once his place was beside his brother close to the king and queen, he clenched his jaw, once.

After they had their dessert Odin and Frigga quickly disappeared. Loki could not even see a glimpse of his mother. He would have liked it, only eye contact would have been enough. But she did not seem eager to give him attention.

When they were out of sight Loki stood up almost directly. He wanted to help Sigyn, but she already left her seat. Together they walked out of the Grand Hall, her heels clinked on the floor. He knew, as well as she, that everyone was looking at them, probably not with the most pleasant thoughts. Two guards followed them to their chambers. Sigyn disappeared in her dressing room directly after they arrived. Loki wanted to get undressed as well and let the boys help him.

When he entered the bedroom Sigyn had already found her place under the blanket. Loki grabbed the book he started reading the morning at breakfast when Sigyn left to get dressed and crawled into bed as well. He tried to read, but he could not concentrate. Sigyn lay completely still with her back towards him, but he did not believe she was asleep already. He laid his book aside and moved towards her. He placed his arm around her waist. ‘You did not eat much this evening’, he said.

‘What is it of your concern?’ she answered.

Loki pushed some hair away out of her neck and placed a kiss on her bare skin. Then he shoved a piece of nightgown away from her shoulder and kissed her there as well. ‘Mmm’, was his only reply before he slipped with his hand down her waist and to her core. He pulled the hem of her gown up and found her sensitive spot. She responded to it directly, bending her body towards him, her head against his shoulder, her bottom against his midsection. He pleasured her, while he tried to get rid of his own pants with his other hand. To his surprise it went quite smoothly.

When he thrust his length into her she moaned harder for a moment, but her body accepted him again, almost too easy. She did not reject him last night when he asked to see her, everything of her. She did not reject him now, when the obligation was no more.

Eventually he was too caught up in his own pleasure he forgot hers and he reached for her hipbone for holdfast. But surprisingly she herself finished were he started and the room filled with their moaning when they both climaxed.

When he came back to his senses again he pushed his nose into her hair. It smelled like the sun, the warmth of it. Then she stirred and turned around. The look on her face, it was of anger, annoyance maybe, but there was vulnerability too. She pushed him away, stood up and walked to her bathroom. Loki rolled onto his back and pulled his pants back up. His eyes found the ceiling. He was tired, but only when she returned to bed he closed his eyes and dozed off.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor and Sif’s wedding day was drawing nearer. Sigyn noticed because big red with silver banners decorated the halls. It were undoubtedly Thor’s colours. Today she decided to go to the garden again. It was her favourite spot of late and no one seemed to bother her there. While she sat on the terrace or lay in the grass she read novels she found in the bookcases in their living room. As far as she knew Loki always went to the library during the day, but she didn’t want to stay inside all day. Before she moved to the palace she was outside a lot. She needed the fresh air and the sun. But today the sun hid behind the clouds quickly and rain started to come down. She sat beside the pond and closed her book to listen to the rain falling on the water. The tickling in her ears pleased her, but before she got completely soaked she went inside.

It was still long before diner started so she wandered through the halls, on the one hand to explore, on the other hand out of boredom. The guard followed her. He guarded her some other time too. She had tried to make conversation to them, but they never responded. Loki explained that the All-Father did not want the guards to make contact with them. Sigyn did not understand. She and Loki were part of the palace life, but at the same time outsiders. Frigga never visited them. She had made it clear to Sigyn she had planned all of this for the love of Loki, but Sigyn never saw her showing her love. She wondered if Loki was just as disappointed as she was, but she found out he was very secretive with his feelings. She did not know if he even liked _her_. He wanted her every night, but they were never intimate. But Sigyn did not even know if she liked _him_ and if she really wanted to be intimate with him. He was still a murderer.

When she passed a chamber where she heard music playing she paused. The door was unlocked and she looked inside. She saw a group of twelve women dancing, others sang and played the instruments. It was all so elegant, the dancing and the music. They whirled around each other like fairies. The music was pretty and mysterious at the same time, entrancing almost. She could not understand the language, but the voice of the singing lady was really beautiful. Someone played the xylophone, two a guitar, another the violin, and a pair the drums.

Sigyn stayed at the door to watch, but when the song ended the women looked around to her. She blushed. ‘I’m so very sorry to intrude, but it all sounds and looks so pretty. I had to stay and watch.’

One of the elder women smiled. ‘Thank you. We are rehearsing for the prince his wedding. Do you want to join us?’

Sigyn looked around the room and then back to her guard, he did not enter with her. ‘I would love to.’

‘What’s your name?’ the elder woman asked.

Sigyn swallowed. Mostly her name did not give her any benefit. Everyone at court knew she was married to Loki and most of them knew she was committed to a crime as well, but she could not lie. ‘My name is Sigyn’, she said, her voice soft.

‘Welcome Sigyn, my name is Myrra and this is my group.’

The other eleven women nodded or waved at her and the band members greeted her also. Sigyn was surprised to be welcomed so openly, many of the court ladies did not welcome her so.

‘Just follow my lead’, Myrra told her.

Sigyn nodded and the band started playing the song again. She followed Myrra’s lead. The song started slow, opening with a little bell and the xylophone, then two guitars entered with the violin not long after that and when the drums followed the woman started singing. Quickly after that the music started to accelerate. Sigyn loved the movements they made, they were very fluently. Her dress and long hair flew in the air. She laughed for the first time in a long while. The music was even more entrancing while dancing and the moves were quickly becoming hers. The other women enjoyed it as much as she and they could not stop laughing and smiling either.

‘Would you like to join us at the real performance?’ Myrra asked when the music was finished and everyone was standing still again.

‘I would love to, but I can’t.’ Sigyn bowed her head. ‘I don’t know if I am allowed to.’

Myrra laid her hand on her shoulder. ‘We wear masks, if that helps.’

Sigyn looked up at her. ‘That would help, maybe.’ She bit on her lip. Still, she knew she had to ask permission, but she did not know to whom. She didn’t dare to disturb the All-Father and the queen would be too busy with other things right now.

‘If you are not certain…’ Myrra continued.

‘No, I am’, Sigyn replied quickly. ‘I will join you. When do you perform?’

Myrra smiled. ‘That’s wonderful. We perform after the banquet.’

*

Loki was tired. For the tenth time he searched through the pile of books in front of him, but no answer was to be found about how to regain his magic back. He had to now, go to Sigyn, there was no other option. Maybe she had contacts with people outside the palace, she was an outsider after all. The old court ladies still made fun of her. One day she seemed to be caught with her hands in the dirt and another day with her feet in the pond. Some said they saw her talking with a bird and others even were so bold to suggest they saw her dancing naked around the tree. How much of it was true Loki did not know. As long as the All-Father and his mother did not take any notion to these rumours, there was nothing he should worry about.

He had not heard from his mother for a long while, not after his wedding day and now Thor’s was presenting itself. Tomorrow the golden prince would finally be wed, not to his precious Jane but the warrior Sif. Loki was not jealous of Thor, not in the least. If his mother would have said that he had to wed Sif to get out of prison he would have refused immediately.

Because the Grand Hall was not fit for dinner the night before the wedding everyone ate in their own chambers. Loki did not mind at all. He absolutely found no joy being present at Odin’s dinner table every night, but unfortunately he had no choice. When Loki entered the living room Sigyn was already present. She stood on the balcony, the usual spot to find her. She already took some wine and was nipping from her cup.

‘Started without me?’ he said, but she did not seem to hear him.

She hummed some melody and swung with her hips. Her dress swept over the floor and her long hair waved over her back. Loki walked towards the balcony doors. ‘Sigyn.’

Startled she turned around.

Loki pulled a chair from the table. ‘Join me.’

She nodded and sat. But she seemed distracted, nervous maybe. She did finish her plate, but much slower than he. It did not bother him, for he kept himself occupied with a book. When dinner was over she went to the bathroom and behind the door he heard her humming the melody again, even some singing, although he did not understand the words.

When he took her that night she also seemed to be distracted. It bothered him, for she was always actively involved in their pleasure.

‘Why are you stopping?’ she asked him when he rolled off her.

‘I don’t want to go on’, he answered bored.

He wanted to turn on his side, but Sigyn stopped him and smiled. She kissed him in his neck, on his collarbone, on his chest, in his belly button and went down between his legs. Loki closed his eyes. She was doing wonderful things with her mouth, things he would not have imagined her doing. But she finished him off easily, far too easily, and he came with a shout. She crawled back to her side again and closed her eyes. ‘Goodnight, Loki.’

*

The banquet of Thor and Sif’s wedding day was well on his way. Sigyn was nervous. She could not eat and only sipped from her wine, it soothed her some. She didn’t realize she had to perform for such a large crowd and was even more relieved she wore a mask. The fact that she had to sneak out at some point made her even more nervous. Because Loki was still considered to be a part of the royal family they were seated at the high table. Thor and Sif sat in the middle, the king and queen were at one side and Loki and she on the other. She would not have mind if Loki and she were seated at the lower table, somewhere they were always seated. Now she might be missed if she did not return, but it was a risk she was willing to take. When she saw Myrra appearing in the doorway to the Hall, she knew it was time.

‘If you will excuse me’, she said to Loki. She rose and walked towards the stairs on the side.

‘Sigyn?’

She heard surprise in Loki’s voice, but she did not look back.

‘You cannot go’, he said.

But she did not listen and walked behind the pillars towards the grand doors.

*

Loki wanted to rise and follow her, but that would be more awkward and gain more attention. He followed her with his eyes. She went to the grand doors. Did she not know she could not leave the banquet? Seated at the high table was considered an honour, but with that privilege there were also some consequences. She had to hold, if she needed to excuse herself. But he could not stop her in time and he cursed himself for it. The All-Father and his mother would notice, everyone would notice her gone.

She stayed away longer than necessary. The banquet would end soon and he needed her at his side, walking behind Thor and Sif and the king and queen to the other hall, the hall were the dancing began. It was different than their wedding, which only took place in this hall. The gong rang three times and that meant the banquet had ended. Thor and Sif rose, followed by the king and queen. Frigga looked confused at Loki when she noticed Sigyn was not at his side. The first look he got from her after a long time and it was not even a pleasing one. The All-Father also noticed, but made no indication it bothered him. Loki walked behind them then, alone.

In the other hall was a band present with a female vocalist and a group of thirteen dancers which wore masks. When everyone had entered the hall the music started to play and the dancers begun to move. Loki recognised the melody immediately, it was the melody Sigyn was humming the other night. He clenched his hands into fists when he recognized her. Her long copper blond hair swung around her when she whirled around. He knew her body and her movements too well. He hoped the king and queen did not recognize her. Sigyn turned to him and now it seemed she was dancing for him alone. She looked at him and smiled. But he clenched his fists even tighter and only hoped no one noticed.

When the music stopped the group finished dancing and everyone clapped, even Loki, he had to, it would be uncivil if he did not. But when he saw the group walking away he followed them in a quick pace. Thor and Sif would have their dance now and Loki would not be missed. In the hallway he grabbed Sigyn at her arm and pushed her to the wall.

‘Aw, hey’, she whined.

‘With me’, his voice was not even quite so demanding as he wished it to be.

‘Loki?’

He pulled her along with him. Luckily the corridors were dark and their guards were not present.

‘Where are you taking me?’ she asked.

‘Where do you think?’ he bit back and pushed her to their chambers. Guards were guarding their door but Loki hoped he was quick enough to hide Sigyn’s appearance from them.

‘Did you not like it?’ she asked when they were in their bedroom.

Loki pulled the mask off her face and threw it on the floor. ‘Of course I did not! What were you thinking?’

Sigyn was clearly taken aback by his anger and she staggered backwards. She kept herself upright by grasping to the cabinet. ‘I… I don’t know, I thought it would be fun.’

‘Fun?’ He walked to her, pressing her even more against the cabinet. ‘You have humiliated me. You should have been by my side! You can not just leave at a banquet and you certainly cannot join a dancing group! Do you even know who these people are?’

She looked seemingly shocked and managed to shake her head only a little bit.

‘They are gypsies. You cannot be seen with them, a lady of the court does not do such things andcertainly notaprincess.’

Sigyn bit her lip to suppress her tears but her eyes moisten anyway. ‘How could I know!’ her voice trembled. ‘I am not raised at court, how should I know what I can and cannot do? You never tell me anything!’ She pushed him away and walked to the bed. With her hands before her face she sat down. ‘I do not belong here, like you do’, she sobbed. ‘I do not.’

Loki sighed and placed his hand between his eyes. She cried now, he did not intend to make her cry. He was not good at comforting people and certainly not when he was the one causing the discomfort. He tightened his jaw and walked towards the bed. He waited a moment before he sat down next to her. ‘If it is any comfort, I do not belong here either.’

‘Yes, you do’, she bit back with a trembling voice.

‘No, really I do not’, his voice was soft.

Sigyn looked up to him then, he saw grief but also anger in her eyes. ‘Stop lying, you were raised here. _I_ was not. I belong there’, she pointed to the city. ‘I belong to the commoners, I used to at least, until they spit me out. Now I don’t belong anywhere, not in the city, not in this palace, not even at your side.’ She rose and paced through the room. She placed her hands against her face again when she paused. ‘Maybe I should go back to my prison cell and spend my days there. Maybe I do belong there’, she clenched her hands into fists, ‘maybe I did something wrong after all.’

Loki stood suddenly. He listened to her cry out and to his surprise he recognized more than he was willing to admit. ‘I have a plan.’

‘What plan?’ she asked but he heard she was not really interested, she would, when he explained it to her, for she too must want _it_ back.

‘Regaining our magic back’, he answered. When this plan became not only his but _ours_ he did not know, between her sobbing and after her cry out perhaps.

She looked at him. ‘And how do you want to do that?’

‘There are books. Odin used a spell on us and I want to find it and undo the spell.’

‘How? We don’t possess any magic anymore.’

‘We will find a way’, he answered with an irritated voice.

‘What books do you refer to?’

‘Books that are to be found in the exclusive section, books about old magic, dark magic. There is one problem, I can’t go in, but I thought that maybe you could.’

Sigyn crossed her arms before her chest. ‘Why should I be any different than you?’

‘Odin would not suspect it.’

‘I am married to you, remember?’

Now Loki was the one who started pacing through the room. ‘Well, can you not bribe someone?’

‘Who? I have as much friends here, as you do.’

‘You know people from outside these walls, maybe they can help us.’

Sigyn nodded. ‘Maybe. What are the titles of these books, if I may ask?’

Loki grabbed the book he was reading of his nightstand. He opened the page with the bookmark and held the note in front of her.

She took it with frowned eyebrows. ‘And you thought that to be the best place to hide this?’

Loki shrugged. ‘As any other.’

When Sigyn opened the note her eyes widened, but she nodded when she looked up at him. ‘I may be of help.’ She grinned. ‘I own some of these books myself.’

Loki shook his head. ‘And you wonder why you were put into prison.’

Sigyn wanted to push him away but he caught her by her wrists and pulled her closer to him. ‘If you betray me, I will kill you.’

‘If I betray you, _you_ will be the one getting killed.’

Loki stroked the side of her face and cheek gently. Then he brought his hand to her throat and gave some pressure. ‘Not before I break your pretty little neck.’

‘I am not scared of you, you know.’

 _Brave girl._ Loki grinned. ‘You should be.’

‘You are nothing but idle threats.’

Loki laughed. ‘Did you not hear of my reputation?’

‘Yes, you are a murderer’, she answered with a cold voice.

‘So are you, it seems.’

Sigyn brought her mouth to his ear. ‘Not everything is as it seems.’

Her voice stirred something in him and he placed his hands roughly on her bum. The cheeks were round but not fleshy, then again, he did not like anything too fleshy. She whimpered, softly. He pressed his pelvis to her body and his lips found hers. Exploring her mouth he pushed her towards the bed. He fell on top of her and while kissing they tried to unclothe oneself. Loki’s suit was more difficult than Sigyn’s performance dress. She pulled at some cords and the dress fell from her shoulders. Sigyn laughed when she saw Loki struggling with his own clothes and she pushed him off the bed. ‘Come, let me.’

One by one she stripped Loki from his formal armour and the floor got littered with his clothes. When they stood naked in front of each other they paused for a moment, but their lips found each other again and they kissed while falling on the bed. He took her then, pulling her into his lap. He did not want to wait any longer, he had those damned clothes already. She seemed ready, she was wet enough at least. When he started rocking her she moved along with him and he kissed her breasts, her sweet little breasts. She moaned quietly and grabbed his hair while pressing her body more towards his own. Her hair found his nose, her sun kissed hair. He breathed it in. When he was a bit distracted she mastered the movements and made herself climax, her body shocked more heavily than normal and she gasped in his ear. He lay her down again then and with a few thrusts he himself finished in her.


	5. Chapter 5

When Sigyn woke the next morning she still lay in his arms. She remembered last night vividly. He kissed her, really kissed her, for the first time. She could still feel his lips pressed upon hers, their tongues entwined. Her body had never responded to him in such a way as last night. It felt like she exploded inwardly and she felt fulfilled, really fulfilled afterwards. She pressed her cheek against his chest and heard his heart beating in a peaceful rhythm.

But she did not forget the pact they made last night either. They were a team now, although he did not use those exact words. They would help each other get their magic back. She had to write Theoric, ask him to send her the books they required. He would know where to find them, she hid them well. But if he was willing to help her, she did not know. He regretted her decision, she knew that. But what did he expect? Would he rather have her rot in a prison cell for the rest of her life?

When the sun was peering through the curtains Loki stirred and woke up. His arm slid along her back, it tickled her. He looked at her then, but she could not tell if he liked her being there in his arms still, or if it annoyed him. She blushed and averted her eyes. ‘I should take a bath before breakfast’, she wanted to rise, but he took her wrist.

‘We made a deal last night, you do remember?’ he asked with his rough morning voice.

‘I do. I will write my friend this morning to send me my books.’

Loki grabbed her wrist more tightly. ‘Don’t ask them to send the books, ask them to bring it to you. And be subtle in your letter, there’s a chance it will be read before they send it.’

When Sigyn nodded he let her go. Her handmaidens already prepared her bath and picked out her clothes, a purple dress she did not wear before. In bath she thought about what she would write to him. She couldn’t tell him the titles exactly, but if she would mention between the lines the spot they were hidden he would know what she meant. At least, she hoped.

When she was done bathing and sat before her mirror she asked for pen and paper and wrote a quick note. She didn’t want to get in a lot of detail and certainly not put any issues forward, so she kept it a light and joyous note. When she finished it she handed the envelope to one of her handmaidens. After that, she could only wait.

It took her longer than she expected to write Theoric her note and her stomach protested when she finally headed for breakfast. But she was surprised to see the queen sitting next to Loki and talking to him in a soft and delicate voice. When Frigga looked up to her she startled and bowed. She did not know what else to do. ‘My queen’, she stammered.

‘Sigyn’, she heard a smile in Frigga’s voice. ‘Come and join us.’

Sigyn nodded and walked to the chair next to the queen and opposite her husband. He looked angered and a bit ashamed maybe, his jaw tightened.

‘I brought you back your dress and cape’, Frigga explained.

Sigyn averted her eyes and her cheeks became flaming red within an instant. ‘Thank you’, she said with a soft voice. ‘I will let my handmaidens know, so they can clean them properly.’

‘They are your formal clothes, Sigyn. You should be more careful the next time’, Frigga continued.

Sigyn looked up, still afraid to meet her eyes but did so anyway. ‘There won’t be a next time, I promise All-mother.’

Frigga nodded. ‘I will hold you to that promise.’

Sigyn’s stomach made a loud protest again when she looked at the bread. It was untouched. Loki’s glass was filled with juice, but he had not taken a sip yet.

‘How do you like the palace?’ Frigga asked her.

Sigyn looked up to the queen. ‘Very grand, the halls are still overwhelming me. But I love our chambers, they feel like home to me now.’

‘I am glad you like it’, Frigga answered.

‘I am sorry, I really need to eat something’, Sigyn said when her stomach protested again.

‘Of course’, Frigga rose. ‘I will not hold you any longer.’

‘May I just ask you one question, I don’t know to whom to turn to otherwise.’ Frigga nodded to give Sigyn permission to continue. Sigyn pressed her hands together under the table, hiding her nervousness. ‘I love gardening and I was wondering if I could take care of one of the gardens here in the palace.’

‘I can’t see why not. I will ask around. The healers can always use an extra hand with their herb gardens. Would you be interested in that?’

Sigyn nodded. ‘I would very much so, thank you, my lady.’

When Frigga left the room an awful silence filled her absence. Loki did not stir or speak to her. He just stared in front of him still with his jaw tightened. Sigyn was almost afraid to prepare herself breakfast for she felt her being in the same room with him was too much for him to handle. Still, she _had_ to eat something. Would he still be mad about her performance last night? His mother bringing her clothes back was at the very least humiliating.

‘I am sorry’, she said, her voice quiet.

Loki looked up at her. ‘About what?’

‘For dancing last night when I should have been at your side.’

‘It doesn’t matter, Sigyn’, Loki responded with a slight sigh. ‘Apparently, apart from the king and queen, no one noticed.’

So it was not her that got him so tensed, at least that was a relieve. ‘I just sent the note to my friend.’

Loki stood up. ‘Good’, he answered and walked away.

*

Loki clenched his hands into fists when he walked through the hallways heading to the library. He had nothing to do there that could be of use, but he needed to keep his mind occupied. He hated his mother, because behind her sweet and gentle messages there always lay a grand demand. Why did she had to say that Thor missed him, missed his little brother and would love a visit of him? Why must _he_ visit him? Why did _he_ need to be the initiator? Thor could have visited _him_ , could have invited _him_ , could he not?

Should he be grateful to Thor for marrying Sif, for getting him out of his cell while doing so? Loki did not know why he should. It was Thor’s own decision to let Jane go, his own decision to marry a woman he did not love in the romantic way of the word. Loki was not responsible for any of that. He would not have mind to spend the rest of his days in that cell. His stupid brother and mother apparently did.

The books in the library could not occupy his mind as much as he hoped. He only wanted to throw them or rip them apart, but he knew he could not. He would love to finally hold _those_ books in his hands, to undo the spell and be free of Odin, free of this family, this suffocating family that was not even _really_ his own. He would not mind to wander the galaxy and go from place to place. No home to call his own, no realm to defend. He would be free. He and Sigyn would be free, for he would not mind her joining him if she wanted to, not really.

*

The next day Sigyn was welcomed in the herb gardens. The smell of the different types of herbs instantly reminded her of her own little garden she had in the city. This garden was much bigger and was held between four solid palace walls. Alice, a stern and stiff middle-aged woman, led her around. Showing which herbs they had growing. The different species were neatly separated from each other. In Sigyn’s own garden they popped up wherever they liked. She did not mind them growing like that, she could keep them apart anyway. In the centre of the garden was a pond, bigger than the pond in the little flower garden she had visited. A fountain spread his waters and dropped it back in the pond. Sigyn loved the peaceful sound it made.

When Sigyn finished the tour a guard walked in asking for her. ‘There is someone here to see you. Says his name is Theoric and that he has something of you.’

Sigyn nodded. ‘I will walk with you.’ She turned to the gardener. ‘Thank you Alice, I will be back tomorrow and get my hands dirty.’ She smiled, but the lady only nodded and walked away.

Sigyn followed the guard. She was nervous, after several months she finally saw Theoric again. She already saw him at her wedding day, but now she could speak to him, touch him. At least, she hoped. The guard brought her to the front of the palace. There, in a little waiting room, Theoric was walking up and down. The guard let her in. He himself waited in the hallway, but he did not close the door.

‘Theoric.’

Theoric turned around when he heard her voice. She smiled. His brown eyes were still the gentle ones she remembers, with small wrinkles at the side. His red beard showed her the same grey hairs he had gained the last couple of years. His reddish brown hair was messy, like it always was.

‘Sigyn’, his voice was gentle in her ears. She almost cried for that alone, for no one spoke her name as gentle as he.

He walked towards her and took her in his arms. ‘Oh, how I have missed you.’

‘And I you’, her voice trembled, holding her tears only just.

His strong arms around her were something she had missed too. She felt safe and loved. She pressed herself closer to him, his deep warm scent filling her nostrils. He smelled like the city, he smelled like the outside world, of the place she grew up.

‘Why did you leave that night?’ Sigyn asked softly.

Theoric let her go, but did not look into her eyes. ‘I could not bear it.’

‘But I needed you.’ She felt so alone after he left, she had never felt so alone in her life not even after her mother died. Tears rolled down her face. ‘I needed you’, she repeated again.

When Theoric looked up to her, she saw tears in his eyes as well. ‘And I needed you too.’

‘But you understand why I choose to marry Loki, right?’

Theoric shook his head. ‘I asked you to marry me, to be my wife, to live by my side, many times, but you refused me. I could have _saved_ you, I know I could have.’

Sigyn frowned. ‘But you were drunk, you were always drunk when you asked me.’

Theoric placed his arm around her waist and pressed her body against his. ‘I desired you Sigyn, from the moment you grew into a beautiful young woman, I desired you and I have never desired anyone but you since.’

Sigyn trembled and tried to hold herself steady by grabbing his arm, for she was afraid her legs would not hold her. ‘But you were like a father to me, you are still.’

Theoric pressed his mouth against her ear. ‘But I am not, am I?’ he answered and he pushed her to the wall. With one hand on her waist he held her steady, while he traced with his other hand the lines of her body. Sigyn froze and her heart pounded loud in her chest. He moved down her neck, her breasts, her waist, her hipbone and ended at her private parts. ‘Do you like it when he touches you there?’ he asked with a hoarse voice.

When Sigyn could finally move she pushed him away with all the strength she possessed. She succeeded and he tripped backwards. ‘Stop it, you are drunk!’

He straightened and looked at her with fury in his eyes. ‘I have to, when I am risking my life for you! Here!’ He threw a bag towards her. The bag opened and the books slid towards her.

Triggered by the shouting the guard entered the room and looked from her to Theoric and back to her again. ‘Are you alright, princess?’

She looked at him with tear-stained eyes. ‘I am fine.’ Her voice trembled. ‘Could you just give as another minute alone please?’

Theoric growled at the guard when he was gone and then looked back at Sigyn again. ‘They almost caught me. But don’t worry, I can be as smart and deceiving as your new husband is.’

Sigyn clenched her hands into fists. ‘Why did you do it then? Why did you come here?’

Theoric walked towards her. ‘I love you Sigyn, I love you, that’s why. Does he? Does he love you so much to put his life at risk for you? Does he?’

Sigyn’s mouth trembled with sorrow and fury. She knew the answer, he knew the answer, but she did not want to say it out loud, could not say it out loud. Theoric did not deserve to hear her saying it out loud.

Theoric grinned. ‘I thought so.’

Sigyn shook her head. ‘Where is the Theoric I remember? The sweet and loving and caring man? Who comforted me when I had nightmares, who helped me figure out my magic even he had not such powers of his own and who made me laugh about the silliest things?’ Tears rolled down her cheeks again.

‘I don’t know’, his voice was harsh and he forced himself upon her. ‘Maybe you took him with you when you married that piece of shit you call your husband now!’ He yelled, while Sigyn pressed her hands to her face.

At that point the door swung fully open and two guards entered. They took Theoric away from her who screamed and kicked around him. ‘I never want to see you again, never, do you hear me!’ He yelled towards her.

Her trembling legs could not hold her much longer and she sank sobbing down to the ground. It was only after a while she noticed someone calling her by her name. She looked up, but her vision was blurred by her moisten eyes. But she knew who it was, she recognised his voice, it was the only voice who spoke to her daily. She wiped her eyes and stood up. She looked at the pile of books and kicked against them. ‘Here are your stupid books!’ she yelled at him and ran away.

*

When Loki entered their chambers Sigyn lay on bed. Softly she cried. He placed the books on the cabinet and walked towards her, keeping in mind that comforting was still not one of his best qualities. He wondered if Theoric was her former lover, or just a friend. From what he witnessed they seemed more than just friends. Carefully he took a seat on the bed, keeping his distance from her.

‘Sigyn.’

‘Go away’, she answered with her mouth pressed against her cushion.

‘I just wanted to… thank you… for the books’, he said softly. ‘And see if you were ok?’ He knew he said something in an asking way which should not be, but he did not know if she wanted him to see if she was ok.

She turned around towards him. Her blood-stained eyes shocked him a bit but he did not let it show. ‘Why do you care?!’ her voice sounded furious and her eyes showed him anger too. But her mouth trembled and grief washed her hard face away. ‘He was like a father to me but he did not recognise me as his daughter.’ She rolled onto her back. ‘Maybe he never did. My mother married him after my father died and he raised me singlehandedly when my mother passed away as well’, she continued. ‘He was everything to me and now I will never see him again’, her voice trembled and tears rolled down her tear-stained cheek again.

Loki stood up. ‘I will tell the guard you are ill and won’t make it to dinner this night.’

Sigyn rose and wiped her tears from her face. ‘No, I will be fine in a minute. I promise I will be fine.’ But her voice trembled again and tears moistened her eyes.

Loki shook his head. ‘You will stay here.’

*

Sigyn woke and shivered. The room was dark and cold, the fire unlit. She turned around, Loki was not there. She rose and looked around. Everything was quiet, quiet as the night. She stood and walked towards the bathroom. Her mouth was dry and she craved for some water. She let it flow while she looked at herself into the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and full of sorrow. She washed her face with the cold water and sipped from it as well. When she walked back to bed she noticed the door to the living room was open. The fire was still burning a bit.

Then she saw him. He sat on the couch. A book lay open in his lap. He had fallen asleep while still wearing his formal clothes. She walked to him and seated herself next to him. His face was peaceful, his harsh lines were nearly invisible by this dim light. She touched his cheek, a lock of his black hair fell across his face by her move. She looked at his hands then, lying on the page he ended last night. It was written in runes. She was not surprised he could read the old language. She took the book from his hands and placed it on the table. When she found one of the fur blankets she seated herself next to him again and laid his arm around her so she could press her head against his chest. She warmed quickly and fell back into sleep again.

*

Loki woke when the sunlight was burning on his face. He opened his eyes, but shut them quickly again because the light almost blinded him. He forgot to close the curtains last night, but he also forgot that he held someone in his arms. He looked at Sigyn and could not suppress a small smile to the sweetness of her calm face. The rays of the sun lit up her copper blonde hair. He pressed his nose into her head. Yes, she smelled like the sun, warm and joyful. He did not want to wake her but he was still clothed in his formal outfit and that was unfortunately not the best sleeping gear. When he tried to rise, she stirred.

‘Stay’, she mumbled.

‘I… cannot’, he answered.

She opened her eyes then and looked up to him. ‘I want you.’

Loki’s eyes widened. Did he hear her well? She _wanted_ him? He pushed the fur blanket away and saw she was still fully clothed like he. When he looked back at her, her eyes looked pleading. Then he pressed his lips on hers. She responded eagerly and their tongues found each other easily again.


	6. Chapter 6

Sigyn enjoyed working in the garden. After Alice told her where she could find the tools and explained to her what had to be done she managed to work on her own. Each day she came, each day after spending time with Loki reading the books. They still did not find a real answer yet, but she did not have the patience to sit and read the whole day like he. She had to admit, she liked to have a common goal and spending time together. But finding out how to obtain their magic back was frustrating and tiresome as well, therefore she loved the moment she could go outside and not be busy with her head for some time. She even talked to the plants. She always did, also in her own garden. She tended them, gave them water and nurtured the earth with minerals if needed. She loved to see them grow, to see them bloom into full-grown herbs. And the smell, the smell was delicious and prickled her senses.

After an afternoon of hard work she sat at the edge of the pond. A servant brought her a glass of water, something she really desired. The sun had been present constantly and she swiped the sweat from her forehead. When she finished her drink she saw a butterfly landing on the deep pink flower of the Echinacea. She smiled and rose to walk closer, but when she did she became lightheaded and black spots appeared in front of her eyes. She wanted to find shade, but dizziness overwhelmed her while she walked to the cloister and before she reached the stairs the world went completely black.

*

Sigyn woke in a room that was not her own. She looked around. Everything was white, the ceiling, the instruments that stood in the distance and the sheets of the bed she lay in. She sat up and heard voices.

‘What if the child turns out to be Jotun?’ It was Loki. ‘We can’t have a child walking around in the palace with a blue skin and red eyes. Everyone will know right away and Sigyn, the child and I will not be safe. And what of the child itself? Will it be healthy? A Jotun and an Asgardian never produced a child together before. There are no records of this. So who knows how this will turn out?’

‘Loki, don’t worry’, it was Frigga. ‘Sigyn will be placed under good care. She will go to the healers every week.’

Sigyn stood up, she felt a lot better. She walked towards the voices and behind a low wall she found her husband and the queen. She looked at Loki first. He looked worried, scared maybe. She frowned, she never saw him like that.

‘Sigyn’, Frigga smiled and Sigyn turned to her.

‘What happened?’ she asked a bit sheepishly.

Frigga moved towards her. ‘You fainted, my dear.’

She remembered working in the garden and the warm sun. She blushed, feeling rather stupid. She could have known it would have this effect on her. She had nursed patients who had suffered like this from the warmth as well. ‘Ah, the heat must have taken his toll.’ She still did not know why Loki and Frigga made such a fuss about something so silly.

‘No, Sigyn, it wasn’t because of the sun’, Frigga’s voice sounded more serious. ‘You are with child.’

‘I am what?’ Sigyn stammered and grabbed Frigga’s hands who offered them suddenly.

‘Careful, you would not want to hurt yourself.’

‘What do you mean? I…’ But then she went back into her memory and could not recall the last time she had her menstrual flow. She looked at Loki, who still looked worried, his eyes lingering onto her belly. ‘How long?’ she asked Frigga, her eyes not averting from her husband.

‘Around two months.’

Sigyn laid her hand on her abdomen and looked down. There was a light roundness there she did not really notice before. But she should have, normally she had no rounding there, she was as flat as a board. Why did it not attract any attention to her before?

‘And now?’ her voice trembled, she was somewhat scared.

‘You will return to the healers’ chamber every week and you need to take care of yourself as well’, Frigga answered her.

She looked up at the queen. ‘Can I still tend the garden?’

Frigga smiled and laid her hand on her cheek. ‘Of course you can, as long as you don’t eat any of those plants you tend to. But you know that already, don’t you?’

Sigyn nodded. She nursed pregnant women herself and she knew precisely what they could and could not eat or drink.

‘I already instructed the cook that we have a pregnant lady at our table. Soon maybe two, rumours go that Sif is shortly to be next’, Frigga added joyous. ‘But tonight you both are excused and will have dinner at your own chambers.’

*

Loki paced the living room up and down. His dinner was getting cold, but he did not mind. What worried him was this child of his that was currently growing in his _Asgardian_ wife’s womb. How could his mother stay so clam, even joyous, about Sigyn’s pregnancy? She did not even know the outcome.

‘Will you please sit down?’ Sigyn asked him. He heard annoyance in her voice, but he ignored it.

‘I will not’, he bit back. ‘Don’t you see the gravity of our situation? I am a Jotun! Behind this perfect Asgardian mask that is part of Odin’s strong magic, there’s a blue skinned and red eyed monster. They did tell you that before you decided to marry me, did they not?’

‘Yes, they did’, she answered him with a cold voice.

‘Then you are one of the lucky few, because only Odin, Frigga, Thor and a handful of healers know about this. If more knew I would be death, understand?’

‘If you say so.’

He placed his hands on the table and brought his face close to hers. ‘Then what do you think of the child you are carrying now? Don’t you think it will be a monster as well? A monster like me?’

Sigyn tightened her jaw and rose. ‘I don’t know!’ She yelled.

Loki straightened and folded his arms in front of his body. ‘I do. If it will not turn out to be a Jotun, it will turn out to be a monster for an Asgardian and a Jotun should not lie together.’ He placed his hands between his eyes. ‘I should never…’ _have married you_ , he wanted to say, but he knew better. He should never have lain with her, or at least taken some precaution.

‘Stop using the word monster!’

Loki looked at Sigyn, her hands lay protectively over her abdomen.

‘Why? I am a monster, do you want to deny it?’

‘No, you _are_ a monster. You killed innocent people, a lot of innocent people.’ She walked towards him. ‘ _That’s_ what makes you a monster, _not_ your Jotun nature.’

‘Were you not taught as a child that Jotuns were the monsters?’

‘I was, but that’s beside the point.’

‘Is it? Your father died in the war against the Jotuns, was maybe killed by one. If he knew his only daughter married a Jotun he would come down from Valhalla and kill me.’

Sigyn shook her head. ‘You can’t be judged by what you are, only by whom you are and what you have done.’

Loki clenched his hands into fists. ‘I can’t believe you are so naïve! No one in the palace, no one in this Realm thinks like you. Everybody is grown up with the idea that Jotuns are monsters that need to be slain. If our child will be born Jotun, or some other strange mix, we and the child will no longer be safe.’

‘If so, don’t you think Odin will protect us?’

Loki shook his head. ‘I would not count on it and without our magic…’ he sighed. ‘We need to find the solution, fast. _I_ need to find it.’

‘Do you mean I’m no longer part of it?’

‘You are pregnant, Sigyn.’

‘So? I know what I am doing. I have nursed pregnant women before.’

Loki grabbed her wrist. ‘I don’t want you to do any experiments on yourself, do you hear?’

Sigyn laughed. ‘You are being ridiculous.’

‘No, I am not.’

‘So you admit you care then?’

He did not answer her. He could not answer her, for saying the words out loud meant admitting to himself as well he cared and he could not.

‘Let me go.’ She pulled her wrist out of his hand. ‘You are hurting me.’

She took her seat again and finished her dinner, not caring if it was cold or not. Loki was still not hungry and certainly not for cold food. He took his glass of wine and walked to the balcony. The night had fallen and the city was lit with colourful lights. He took one sip and then another two, after that the cup was empty. He wished he had more. Sigyn got a glass of water otherwise he would have confiscated hers. But he knew one more glass would not have been enough to ease his mind.

He rested his arms on the railing of the balcony and bended his head. Their plan was not solid anymore, but maybe it never was. It was hard getting his magic back without having magic himself. He needed to find another way. He read of a very painful one, but he was still hoping that was not the only way. If their child turned out to be Jotun, or something other than Aesir, they had to flee, he knew that as much and they needed magic then.

When Sigyn entered the balcony he straightened.

‘I can still help with the reading, you know.’

He looked at her.

‘There is still time’, she continued.

Loki placed his arm around her waist and she laid her head against his shoulder.

‘Yes, there is still time’, he answered her. _Seven months, to be precise. Seven months._


	7. Chapter 7

Loki searched, day after day, week after week. Rereads chapters, rereads paragraphs, but still could not find another way than the one he found earlier. He repeated the process in his mind over and over again and prepared himself mentally for the inevitable. He needed to tell Sigyn what he was planning to do, he needed her help so he had to. He knew she would help him even though she would hate him for it.

The potion he needed to take would be the deadliest thing he ever had to do, falling from the Bifrost didn’t even compare to this. But if he wanted to undo the spell Odin put on him he had to use a potion to drift it out of his body. One of the books described how to make such a potion, it needed to be well balanced for he did not want to die because of it. He needed to trust Sigyn’s capabilities. She made potions herself before she came to the palace, she would know how to balance the ingredients. But he did not want her present when he would take it, he did not want her see him suffer. When his magic would return to him, flow in his body again, he would know how to heal himself. He would be weakened, for days, weeks perhaps, but he would heal and he would take her with him to a place where they and the child would be safe.

*

When Loki entered the living room Sigyn lay on the couch. She was reading a book and apparently seemed to enjoy it. A smile crossed her face and she bounced her foot from the leg that dangled over the edge of the couch up and down.

‘Sigyn.’

When she looked up at him her eyes shone like two bright stars. Did they before? Loki wondered.

She sat up. ‘You are back early from the library. Missed me?’ She smiled dangerously and her eyes lit up even more.

Loki walked towards her. ‘I want you to do something for me.’

‘What is it?’

She sounded too cheerful. She would hate him after this, he knew.

‘When you go to the garden I want you to take some herbs for me.’

‘What for?’

‘I found a way to undo Odin’s spell.’

Sigyn rose. ‘You did?’

Why her hopefulness scared him, he did not know. He took the list out of his pocket and handed it over to her carefully.

Eagerly she opened the piece of paper, but when she scanned the list her eyes went from cheerful and light to worried and dark. She looked up to him then and he could read the fear plain from her face. ‘Why do you need Wolf’s Bane? You do know that it could kill you.’

‘Not when the precise dose is used.’

‘How do you know what dose to use?’

‘The book tells me this and I trust your skill.’

Sigyn frowned. ‘What do you mean, my skill?

‘I need you to brew this potion.’

Sigyn looked even more confused than she already did. ‘I… you what?!’ her voice angered. ‘You want me to brew you this potion while it will most likely cost you your life? Do you want our child to grow up fatherless?’

‘No’, Loki answered cold. ‘I want our child to grow up in a safe place and that place is not here, not in Asgard.’

‘Where then?’

‘I don’t know. Midgard maybe.’

Sigyn laughed. ‘Midgard? Are you serious?’

Loki grabbed her by her upper arms. ‘We cannot stay here. Do you hear? Brew me this potion so I will get us away from here.’

Sigyn tried to get out of his hold and shook her head wildly. ‘No, I will not!’

But he only grabbed her more tightly and tightened his jaw. ‘You will, because you are my wife and I command you to.’

Sigyn froze and looked at him, her eyes jumping from left to right. They turned red and he saw them moisten. He never witnessed tears come to life from this close.

‘I hate you’, her voice trembled.

Loki closed his eyes shortly. Her words pained him, but he knew, he prepared himself for this moment.

‘I hate you’, she repeated, her voice more solid.

He looked at her then and tried to hold his face in control. ‘I don’t care.’

When she looked away he let her go. For a moment it seemed her legs wouldn’t hold her and he reached out for her, but she clenched her hands into fists and straightened her back. When she looked at him again her eyes were blood-strained but tears seemed to have disappeared. She lifted her chin up and with a firm pace she passed him and disappeared through the door that led to the anteroom.

*

Sigyn knew precisely the effect of every herb that was on the list. Valerian was used to keep a person relax. The seeds of the Poppy were for pain relief, a medicine used to sedate a person in severe pain. Wolf’s Bane was poisonous, used on arrows in war. Echinacea lowered the fever level Wolf’s Bane would definitely trigger. Peppermint was probably only added to the list for a better taste. It would be lethal, the potion, she knew it would be. But he would not take it, he would not risk his life for just getting his magic back. He would reconsider, once the brew was done, he would reconsider, she knew this. He had to.

Her heart beat in her chest when she entered the garden. Alice was present and the guard stood watch in the cloister. She greeted Alice and walked to the little wooden shed meant for the tools. She needed a small spade to get the plants out neatly. But when she had it in her hands Alice called for her. She stiffened and let the spade drop back in the bucket.

‘You only need to water the herbs today. All the other work has been done already.’

She turned around and nodded. ‘Right.’ She was later than usual today. She wasn’t even planning to go to the garden for her book was amusing her.

The sun burned hot this late afternoon and the tin watering can was heavy with water. She observed the garden. The herbs she needed were not in reach of one another. She could not come up with a better plan other than just grab them along when she passed them while watering. Alice did not pay her any attention but she thought the guard was eyeing her more closely. Did he know she was up to something?

Honestly, she never stole anything in her whole life, maybe because the rapid beating of her heart sickened her. Valerian was the first one she came across. She kneeled down and pulled one plant out of the ground. She folded it in the pocket of her dress. When she stood up she looked around. The guard eyed her still, but did not seem to notice anything was amiss. Sigyn swallowed hard. Next was Wolf’s Bane, one of the most lethal and toxic herbs. She even needed to be careful when pulling it out off the ground, because the juice could burn the skin. The third she came across was Echinacea, the plant was huge in full grown stadium, so she took a little one. Poppy then, she needed the seeds, so she collected only some flowers. The beheaded plants saddened her, but she needed to act fast. Last was Peppermint, but when she wanted to take some leaves Alice suddenly stood behind her.

‘Are you quite finished? I want to freshen up before dinner.’

Sigyn startled and turned around towards her. Her cheeks reddened. ‘I… I am’, she stuttered.

Alice grabbed the watering can from her hands and eyed her closely. ‘Don’t you?’

‘Don’t I what?’ Sigyn asked with a tight voice.

‘Need to change for dinner.’

‘Ah, yes, indeed.’ She smiled nervously. ‘The garden always pleases me so much that I forget the time.’

‘Mm, I bet.’

Sigyn smiled again before she turned around and walked towards her guard. She did not had the chance to grab some Peppermint. Now the taste would be awful, maybe even more reason for Loki to not take the potion.

*

Loki could not eat, he only drank. Sedating himself was the best possible option he had right now, for killing himself was never something he truly wished to do. But he would not die, he knew he would not. The right dose was the only thing that could safe him, could keep him alive. He did not want to think about the pain. He would be free, free from Odin, free from any Asgardian guard. He would be strong again, powerful. He would leave this realm and murder everyone who stood in his way.

He looked at Sigyn. She had not eaten much. She held her glass of water between her hands and kept her eyes closed while she mumbled something. Maybe this was part of her preparation, he did not know, but she seemed in total concentration.

When the gong rang three times she opened her eyes. Loki stood up, dinner was over. He did not even notice they passed the whole period of time. The king and the queen usually left before the gong rang, after that the other guests were free to stay or go. Loki wanted to help Sigyn out of her chair, but she declined his offer and with the glass in her hand she strode off. He saw their guards noticed her leaving with the table glass, but they did not comment on it. Nor did Loki, for she seemed determined not to let it go.

Back in their chambers Sigyn placed the glass in front of the fire. She walked towards the cabinet and opened one of the drawers. The herbs were squashed in the pocket of her dress she wore this afternoon while she was gathering the ingredients for the potion. She walked to her bathroom and came back with her brush and a little bowl where she kept her hairpins.

The book with the instructions lay on the table and she took her seat there as well. First she counted the amount of Poppy seeds and grinded them in the little bowl with the blunt rear of the handle of her brush. The leaves and the flowers of Valerian and Echinacea followed next. The last ingredient was Wolf’s Bane. She used three flowers as was written in the book.

‘Get me the glass’, she commanded to Loki.

Loki did what she asked and she poured the water in the mix. Then she closed her eyes and mumbled while she grinded the ingredients. Loki watched the process more closely, now the vital ingredient had joined the mix. He grabbed the back of her chair and bended over her.

‘Step back, will you?’ her voice, he almost did not recognise it. It was lower and seemed to hold more strength.

He let the chair go and stepped back. Then he started pacing, for he did not know what else to do. His clothes, they suddenly seemed to fit too tight. He still wore his formal leather clothes. He would change into something else when the potion was ready. He looked at her, she was still mumbling. He clenched his hands into fists. It took long, too long. His heart was beating rapidly. Why did they not have any wine in their chambers? He should have drunk the whole bottle when he still had the chance at dinner. He stopped pacing and looked at her.

‘Will you hurry up?’

‘Do you want it to kill you?’ Sigyn asked.

Loki tightened his jaw. ‘No.’

‘Let me do my work then.’

He growled and started pacing the room again. He was sweating, he hated sweating! His mouth was dry, he needed wine. Why did they not have wine in their chambers?! Her mumbling started to irritate him. It took too long, far too long. She was messing it up, she was messing it up on purpose. She did not want to leave this place, he knew it. She still had sentimental feelings towards Asgard, even if the people had treated her badly. He walked towards her and grabbed the bowl away from her then.

‘What are you doing?!’ Angered she turned around towards him. ‘It’s not done yet!’

‘You have done enough!’ Loki yelled and walked towards his bathroom.

Sigyn rose and followed him. ‘Don’t, I beg of you.’

He turned and startled a bit not knowing she followed him closely. ‘Why? Did your mumbling not do its work properly?’

‘It’s pure poison, Loki. You can’t drink it, it will kill you’, her voice had lost its angered tone.

‘I will take my chances’, he said with a cold voice, knowing she was probably right.

‘No, please.’ She wanted to grab the bowl, but he kept it well out of her reach. She kneeled in front of him then and grabbed the hem of his long leather coat. She begged again and again. The sight was most humiliating and he could not bear to watch her any longer. He pushed her off him with his feet and looked at her with disdain. ‘I do what _I_ want.’ The last thing he saw when he closed his bathroom door were her blood-stained eyes and moisten cheeks.

He placed the bowl on the sink and paced the room while stripping himself of his heavy leather clothes. The cool air that met his heated body gave him some release. He needed to think, to prepare himself for the possibility of death. A horrible one, for poison was the cruellest thing. He knew he would be twisting on the ground in the weirdest possible bends his body could make while the foam floated out of his mouth. He knew his body temperature would rise and his head would feel like bursting. But he needed to focus on the possible outcome that he would succeed, that he would survive, that he would be rid of the spell Odin had placed upon him.

But Sigyn had not stopped pleading. She knocked loud at the door. ‘Please, Loki, please don’t do this. I beg of you, please.’ He heard her crying. He never heard someone cry so desperate. It was maddening. He placed his hands over his ears, but he could still hear her.

‘Please, Loki. Listen to me. It will kill you, it will. You can’t drink it. I beg of you. Think of our child. Loki, please, please.’

Of course he had thought about the child. The child was the only thing he could think about. He did this for the sake of the child. He needed to get it away from here, get it to a safe place, together with its mother. He wanted to slam on the door, to stop her with pleading, with crying. But at the last moment he stopped himself and clenched his hand into a fist.

He heard her falling against the door and cry severely. Her voice was broken. She only repeated his name now together with please. He stroked with his hands through his hair and turned towards the sink. He could smell it from where he stood and he almost vomited when thinking of drinking it. Slowly he walked to the sink and rested with his hands on the marble while looking at himself in the mirror. His eyes were big and round, his black pupil almost consumed his green iris. He had dark circles around his eyes and his skin was pale. He breathed in deeply and bended his head.

*

Loki unlocked his bathroom door carefully. Sigyn had been silent for a while now, but he did not know if she still sat against the door. When he did not push against something solid he opened the door completely. The bedroom was warmer than his bathroom. The fire was dying out, but still gave its warm glow. Loki almost tripped over a cloth and when he looked down he noticed it was Sigyn’s formal dress. He picked it up and smoothed the delicate green fabric before he hung it over the chair next to her bathroom.

He looked at the bed then. She lay there at the far end of her side of the bed. Her body was folded in a small ball covered under the thin blanket. He swallowed and walked slowly to the bed. He let his robe falling from his shoulders and placed it over the bed railing. Then he crawled under the sheet and moved over to her. He placed his arm around her waist and laid his hand protectively over her abdomen where a small bump had formed itself. She was cold. She wore only her underdress. He pressed his body against hers and kissed her bare shoulder before he closed his eyes. But then she stirred and turned around.

‘Loki?’ Her voice sounded hoarse from her cries and pleads. He met her confused and grief-stricken eyes. ‘Loki’, she repeated his name with a trembling voice and pressed herself close to him. Still folded up like a ball, he felt her knees press to his stomach. She cried softly, her tears felt like acid on his skin. She clenched her hands into fists. ‘I hate you’, she said and slammed against his chest. ‘I hate you.’

He folded his arms around her and stroked her hair. ‘Hush Sigyn, I know. I know.’ He couldn’t help his voice from trembling.

She looked up to him. ‘Promise me you will not leave me alone, not like this.’

‘I can n…’

Sigyn pressed her fingers on his mouth. ‘Promise me Loki, you _have_ to promise me.’

He knew he could not promise her that. He wished he could, but he could not. He had to lie, lie to keep her mind at peace, to stop her from crying. He pressed his forehead against hers. ‘I promise’, he whispered.

‘I want you to look at me when you do.’

He shook his head lightly against hers. ‘Sigyn…’

‘Look at me Loki and say it’, her voice sounded stern.

He looked at her then, forcing his mouth not to tremble. ‘I promise.’

She seemed to relax in his arms then. Her body unfolded and her legs stretched out next to his. He pressed her body closer to his, feeling the bump against his stomach. She reached for his face and stroked his cheek gently with the back of her hand. He closed his eyes by this gentle touch. She did not know what he had to do, did not know what he had sacrificed for her and their child. He would have taken the potion, would have, if it was his own life at stake. He would rather take the risk of dying than pledge his loyalty to Odin. But he had to now, he had no other option. He had to regain his magic back, he had to, for them.

He looked at her when she stroked softly over his lips. ‘Sigyn’, his voice was nothing but a whisper. She moved her face towards his and they met in a lingering kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wolf's bane or monkshood really is poisonous, please do not take it yourself, it will kill you.


	8. Chapter 8

When Sigyn woke Loki was still here, holding her in his arms. His body was warm and protectively enclosing hers. She pressed her head to his chest and closed her eyes. The horrors of last night were still vivid in her mind. She never thought he would be serious once she brewed the potion, but she had never seen him so determined. She pleaded and cried, but he was desperate to take what would kill him. She thought she lost him when she was too tired to cry, too tired to scream and plead. When she finally put herself to rest she could not sleep. She laid her hands on her abdomen and chanted a sweet song, calming herself as well as the child in her womb, it helped a bit. She also comforted herself with the thought that she would not be alone, ever again, even if Loki was gone, she still had the child, _their_ child.

He promised. Yes, she needed to hear him say it. Needed to, even if she knew it was a lie. He could not make such a promise to her, she knew that now. He would do what he thought was necessary, what _he_ thought was best, not caring about her opinion. She wondered if she was even in his mind at all, if he even cared. No, he would. He wanted what was best for the child, as did she.

He stirred and pressed his mouth lightly against her forehead. She smiled, for he did not know she awoken yet. But then tears appeared in her eyes for she knew, she knew she cared about him. She cared about him even if he used her for his own game, pushed her into things she did not want to do, did not care about. She was his and would be his forever, they were bound to each other forever. It did not scare her, no, it did not, even if she knew he was a monster, to himself, to other people around him. It did not matter, for she was his and she belonged to be his for The Norns brought them together, the child sealing the bond.

She kissed his collarbone lightly and pressed her tongue in the little hole between the two bones. Then she moved up to his neck and nipped the sensitive skin behind his ear. He moaned softly. ‘Sigyn.’

She kissed his lips, one by one. He opened his eyes then. He grabbed her tightly around her waist and laid her down on her back. They kissed deeply while he moved over her. She gasped when his hands traced down her body working her dress up and over her head. When she felt his skin bare against hers she started to breathe more heavily, craving for his touch, wanting nothing more in the world than to feel him. When his hand found the sensitive spot between her legs, she grabbed the sheet tight. She laid her head in her neck and moaned from his touch. When she climaxed her body seemed to explode and she looked at him then. He kissed her before entering her. The push was deep, not gentle in the least. She whimpered, but folded her legs around his waist and let him take her. He leaned closer to her and speeded up his thrusts until he climaxed himself.

They lay there for a while, their bodies still joined, until he caught his breath and moved away from her. She looked at the ceiling, but her sight blurred and she rolled onto her side. Tears dripped onto her cushion and she clenched her hands into fists. She hated The Norns.

*

Loki walked slowly, slower than he ever walked in his life before. He knew the guard behind him was annoyed by it because he could feel his breath in his neck. Loki did not like it either, to be so closely followed, but he could not move any faster. He would turn back when he would reach the doors, he knew for certain. His hands were clenched into fists, his body held tightly upright, head in the air. At least his posture would not give his last honour away. He didn’t want to do this, every step sickened him even more. He could not look at Odin’s face, for it would certainly be triumphant. Because Loki, the Jotun, the monster, had finally given up, had finally pleaded to the mercy of the mighty All-Father. He would hate himself after this, he would hate himself forever.

When he reached the doors to the Throne Room he breathed in deeply. He already saw Odin sitting on his golden throne, Gungnir in his hand, giving order to some stupid guard. He stepped back, he could not do this, he could not.

‘What’s your purpose here?’ A guard standing by one of the doors asked of him.

‘I seek council with the All-Father’, Loki heard himself speak the words but did not register saying them.

‘Wait here’, the guard answered and walked inside.

No, he could not wait here. He could not, for waiting was more agonising than anything else in the world. Waiting for a fight that was to come, for possible death, was more agonising than be in that fight itself and face a possible death. He knew this, for he had been in those fights. But not this one, he had not been in this one yet. He would lose this one, the outcome of that was certain. For there would be nothing left of him afterwards, he would rather be death, for he swore he could not do this, he could not. But he had to, the child needed him, needed him to survive. Magic was the only way and the only possible way to gain his magic back was to pledge his loyalty to Odin. It was practically begging. No, it _was_ begging, begging of the lowest sort. And he would not, he could not do this. He closed his eyes shortly.

‘You may enter’, the same guard told him. Loki recognized his voice and he looked up at him. ‘The All-Father will receive you’, the guard continued.

Loki swallowed and straightened his back then. He was dressed in his formal leather armour including his long green cape and horned helmet. His steps were steady and up tempo, unlike the walk towards the Throne Room itself. He had nothing but his appearance left, he had nothing but his lying appearance left, that was not even his own, but Odin’s doing as well. He tightened his jaw. _Damn him, damn him to hell._

When Loki had made his way to the stairs at the base of the throne he paused and met Odin’s eye. Odin looked at him for a short moment before he welcomed him.

‘Loki.’

Loki bowed slightly. ‘All-Father.’

A silence fell and Loki did not let his gaze go from the well-polished floor.

‘I need to congratulate you it seems’, Odin spoke then.

Loki looked up confused, but he tried to hide it immediately.

‘Frigga told me Sigyn is with child’, Odin continued.

‘She is.’

‘I hope she is doing well?’

‘Yes, very well’, Loki heard himself say. He could not register in his mind how normal this conversation was.

He lowered his eyes. Why did Odin start about the child first? He knew why Loki was here. He knew there was no other reason why Loki would be here other than to pledge his loyalty, no, give his soul away. He would give his soul away to this lying man that called himself his father. Claiming to love him, while he knew what he was, knew the monster he was. At least Loki knew why he was never Odin’s favourite, for Thor, the golden son, _his_ son, was the one Odin loved more. And who could blame him? Who would love a monster if they had an angel instead?

‘But you have not come here for this, did you?’

Quickly Loki looked back up at the All-Father. ‘I came here to ask for my magic back.’

‘Is that so?’ Odin asked, as if he was surprised.

‘Yes’, Loki answered curtly.

‘Did they not explain to you the terms of your request?’

Loki tightened his jaw. ‘They did.’

Odin leaned forward. ‘Then you know what I require from you.’

Loki swallowed but he found his voice just in time his mind had made up to speak. ‘Before I do I just need you to promise me one thing.’

Odin’s posture stiffened. ‘What is it?’ he asked, his voice was cold.

‘I want you to perform the same magic on my child that you performed on me. It will not be safe here if it turns out to be like _me_.’

Odin’s features softened somewhat. ‘I promise you Loki, your child will be safe in Asgard.’

Those were not the precise words Loki wanted to hear. Safe was not enough, he needed to know, to be certain. It could not be a Jotun, could not have the appearance of a monster. But he could not ask for more, he knew this as well.

He suddenly realised his heart was beating fast in his chest. This was the moment he feared to come. He tried to avoid it, but he could not outwit Odin and gain his magic back by himself. He could not keep his dignity and instead needed to lower himself to this moment of self-castigating. He would lose the independency he gained. He would once more be a loyal subject again, subjugated to every of Odins command.

He kneeled then. It was hard, not only the gesture, but also his stiff leather armour did not move easily with his motion. When his left knee touched the ground he looked up to the All-Father. Odin looked as uncaring as always, waiting patiently for Loki to say it, to say the words that were required. Loki laid his right hand on his left chest, his heart to be precise. He knew the words that had to follow were nothing but a lie and the All-Father must know this too. But the old fool still wanted to believe in his own lies, his own deception. Loki himself was a deception, the war price taken home and created into something he was not and would never be.

‘I, Loki, hereby pledge my loyalty to you, All-Father and from this day forward I shall protect Asgard from his enemies until the last day I live.’

Loki was surprised the words came out of his mouth so easily, for he was certain he would stammer all the way through. Now he was waiting for Odin’s liberating words. He did what was asked of him and said everything that was required. He held the end of the bargain.

‘And you will take back the name of Odinson?’

‘W… what?’ Loki stuttered. He did not anticipate for this question. It was not asked of him, it was not part of the deal, it was not required. His mother and brother did not say anything about it, did they? Loki did not disown Odin officially. He just called himself Loki of Asgard, not Loki son of Odin.

‘I never abandoned the name’, Loki followed.

‘Then why did you not use it in your pledge to me?’

‘I…’ Loki averted his gaze. He did not realise, he did not know, it was not on purpose. It was common to him now to use his name and _his_ name only. He was nothing _but_ Loki, he was son of none. He could not be Laufey´s son. He could not and would not be known as the person who killed his own father. Laufey gave him life, yes, that he did, but he abandoned him, left him forgotten, left him to die, because he was too small for a Frost Giant, a miscreation. Odin claimed him then, as a war price, a trophy, for that was all he was. He misled him and raised him as one of his own, but he was not and never would be one of Odin’s, how hard Loki tried, he could never be one of his.

‘I will’, Loki replied. He looked up to the All-Father and swallowed hard. ‘I will use the name Odinson.’

Odin rose and walked down the stairs, Gungnir in his right hand. Two guards, dressed in their golden robes matching Odin’s suit, followed him. When he stood before Loki a faint smile crossed his face. It was a brief moment and Loki did not even know if he witnessed it or not.

‘Stand up then, my son’, Odin said.

Loki stood up. His legs were stiff. Odin laid his hand upon the middle of Loki’s chest and closed his eye. Loki was expecting his magic to return to him, to feel the power strengthening his body. He would be ready, ready to kill the man standing in front of him. A surprise attack would certainly be the end of Odin. But when Odin opened his eye, everything was as it was before and it seemed like nothing happened. Loki still felt the same. But the All-Father seemed to be ready and nodded him farewell. Loki did not know how to respond to this other than a nod himself. He turned around, not exactly aware of what just happened.

Was it all a lie? Did they trick him into this? Was _he_ the fool now, for trusting them? He who was just recently convicted as a dangerous criminal, a threat to Asgard and all the Nine Realms? Of course they would not let him get his magic back. They would know he would turn on them the moment he gained his power back. They _knew_ this. He was no danger to them if his magic was bound and if he was guarded all the time. To keep him occupied they let him marry Sigyn, a pretty wife. What would he do otherwise? They could not let him read books for the rest of his life, could they? Else a couple of rooms in the palace were no better place than a prison cell. They wanted him in their midst, his mother at least would want to have him in her midst. He knew that to be true. But she wanted him tame. She wanted him sweet like a child, needy and dependant.

Suddenly Loki lost the strength in his legs and he could not keep himself upright. In haste he reached out to nearby wall and collapsed against it. His heart was beating fast in his chest and dizziness overwhelmed him. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and sank through his legs against the wall. He looked around searching for his guard, but he left him. Maybe he left him to fetch a healer. He required one for he felt like dying. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall, rolling it from one side to the other. He wrapped his arms around his waist and groaned softly while bending his body forward.

*

Loki had to adjust his eyes when he looked up. The solid wall still supported his back. He breathed in and out, slow, but easy. The dizziness had disappeared and his mind was clear again. He stood up and it surprised him how easy that went. He looked around. The hall was still the same, although it did not seem to him that way. He blinked, but nothing seemed to be wrong with his eyes. His guard was not back yet. He did not want to stay and wait, so he resumed his way towards his chambers. He was aware that no one had been around to witness what just happened. It was the hallway to the Throne Room, so Loki did not feel comfortable about it at all. Suddenly he paused and looked at his hands. Green power was floating between them, an energy he remembered well. It was an introduction, an introduction to a spell. He realised then. _Sigyn_.

*

All of a sudden her legs could not carry her any longer. She went to the loo and walked back to the living room to pick up her reading. She grabbed one of the posts of the four poster bed and sagged onto the mattress. She was dizzy, but did not understand why. The walk from the bathroom back to the living room could not be that exhausting. Worried she lay down and laid her hands on her abdomen. It could not be the child. She could not lose it, she knew she would never survive the grief. She had loved it from the moment she knew she was with child. A new life was growing inside of her, a life she herself created, one of her own blood. It would love her unconditionally and she would love it unconditionally as well. She cared for it better than she cared for herself. She ate, even when she was not hungry and rested when she could. Maybe the upsetting episode between her and Loki last night was too much for the child to handle, the stress it cost its mother taking its toll.

But beside her dizziness and quickened heartbeat there was nothing amiss with her. She had no cramps in her abdomen or other physical pain. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. She felt somewhat heated, but it washed over like a wave. Then there it was, the most incredible experience, she felt the heartbeat of the child inside her. She flashed her eyes open and looked at her hands, they glowed a warm golden light. She smiled and her smile grew bigger. She knew what had happened. For the first time she could witness the child was alive herself, the heart beating steady and strong. It confirmed the child was growing within her, the child of her and Loki. She cried, but did not register her tears.

‘Sigyn!’

It was Loki who stormed into the bedroom. He looked bewildered and strangely out of breath. When he saw her laying on the bed he quickly walked towards her and scanned her face severe.

‘Give me your hand’, she said.

Loki frowned, but gave her his hand without any objection. She pulled him on the bed and rested his hand on her abdomen.

‘Can you feel it? The slow drumming?’

Loki nodded. ‘What is it?’ He asked while he looked at her.

Sigyn smiled. ‘It’s the heartbeat of our child.’

Sigyn saw Loki’s expression changing. Amazement crossed his eyes. A pureness she never witnessed at him before. He lowered his eyes to her abdomen.

‘I pledged my loyalty to the All-Father’, Loki said after a short silence.

Sigyn removed the horned helmet from his head and placed it carefully next to her.

‘It was the only way’, he followed.

She stroked his head gently and he closed his eyes briefly. It had to be hard for him. He did what he would not do. He would rather kill himself than pledge loyalty to the All-Father.

He looked at her then. ‘I did not do it for myself.’

‘I know.’ She rested her forehead against his. ‘Thank you.’


	9. Chapter 9

When Loki and Sigyn left their chambers to go to dinner that night the two guards standing by their door did not follow them. Sigyn looked back when she and Loki walked around the corner, but they still stood by their door. She looked at Loki. He did not seem to notice it at all.

As always they entered the Grand Hall last of the group which were to join the king and queen for dinner. But when they wanted to take their places at the end of the long table, they found their seats already taken. The pair who always sat next to them moved a spot to theirs. Sigyn looked at Loki again. She did not know what to do now, but he seemed to be as confused as she was. Then a servant approached them.

‘Prince Loki, princess Sigyn, if you will follow me.’

Loki placed his hand on Sigyn’s lower back and pushed her slightly into the direction the servant was going, into the direction of the head of the table, into the direction of the All-Father and All-mother. Sigyn swallowed when they walked along the long table. All the people were staring at them. Her heart was beating fast in her chest and if it was not for Loki’s burning hand on her back she would probably turn around. Why was the servant taking them there? She was totally fine with their spot at the end of the table, even if they had no conversation at all with their table companions and they did not talk to each other much either. It was peaceful, no one really cared about them or kept a sharp eye on them.

Her eyes widened when the servant stopped at the beginning of the table and pointed at the seats across Thor and Sif. They were already seated. Next to Thor sat Volstagg and across the big and loud man the silent Hogun and the flirtatious Fandral had their seats. Loki took his place across his brother and next to Fandral. Sigyn took her seat across Sif. The spots next to her and Sif were free and the two big chairs at the head of the table, meant for Odin and Frigga, were empty as well.

‘Welcome brother and you Sigyn’, Thor said with a broad smile and nodded his head to her.

Sigyn felt Loki stiffen. She smiled to him and Sif, but Thor’s wife was not looking very pleased at all.

‘And my congratulations to you both’, Thor continued and placed his arm around Sif’s shoulders. ‘We are expecting too.’

‘You are? My congratulations to you too then’, Sigyn replied.

When the king and queen entered everyone rose. Sigyn wanted to stare at them, for they looked so very regal together in their formal clothing. But she thought it would be impertinent so she lowered her eyes. When the All-Father and All-mother had taken their seats everybody sat down again. Next to Sigyn an elder lady had taken her place. She and the man who was seated next to Sif walked in behind Odin and Frigga. The elder lady and Frigga were smiling at each other before Frigga turned to her.

‘Sigyn, I want to introduce you to Eir, she is the head of the healers and my closest companion’, Frigga said.

Sigyn bowed her head. ‘Nice to meet you.’

The elder lady bowed her head as well. ‘Nice to meet you too, Sigyn. I remember your mother well, she was one of my closest friends when she still lived in the palace.’

‘She was?’

Eir nodded. ‘I am sorry she died.’

Sigyn lowered her eyes. ‘Thank you.’

‘And now you are becoming a mother yourself.’

Sigyn rested her hands on her abdomen and smiled when she felt the peaceful beating of the heart of her unborn. She looked up. ‘I am.’

When dinner was served Volstagg was the first who cut a piece from the roasted pig. Sigyn looked at Thor, who considered it absolutely normal and waited until his friend served himself. He cut a piece for himself and Sif and then looked at Sigyn and Loki.

‘Brother?’

Loki pushed his plate towards Thor and eyed him severely, but he did not complain when Thor gave him his plate back again.

‘Sigyn?’

Sigyn looked at Loki’s plate, it was far more than she expected him to eat. She looked at Sif’s plate and nodded. Thor understood the slight hint and cut her as much meat as he had done for his wife. With a broad smile he pushed the dish back to Sigyn again. Loki gave her some bread and passed on the bowl with vegetables. When Sigyn looked at her right she noticed the four people had their own roasted pig, bread and vegetables to divide. They seemed to enjoy each other’s company as if they knew each other for centuries, but then again, they did. She looked at Loki and Thor then. They, of course, knew each other better than anyone else. Apart from Frigga, maybe Thor was the only one who knew Loki best of all. Sif and the Warriors Three were also very long acquaintances and friends of the royal family. She realised then she was a stranger to everyone around here, grown up in the city, far away from this all.

‘How do you feel?’ Sif asked.

Sigyn looked at her, a bit surprised the woman talked to her.

‘I feel sick half of the time and cannot even train properly’, she followed.

‘I feel fine, actually’, Sigyn answered. ‘Apart from using the loo more often.’

Sif growled. ‘Lucky you.’

‘Mother says it will pass soon enough’, Thor replied. ‘And I don’t think you should train at all.’

‘I am pregnant Thor, not invalid’, Sif said with a biting tone.

‘Yes, I know, but you should take more care now while you are carrying our child. Not everyone on the training ground realises you are pregnant, not until you show more.’

‘I can take care of myself, thank you very much’, Sif said and took a sip from her glass of water.

Thor bended towards her and laid his hand on her abdomen. ‘I know, but still...’ He looked at Loki. ‘What do you think, brother?’

Loki almost choked on his wine. Sigyn placed her hand before her mouth for she almost laughed out loud. If Loki could kill his brother with his gaze, Thor would be dead.

‘We did well, did we not? Both married two beautiful and fertile women.’

Loki still stared at Thor for a moment and then spoke. ‘We did.’

Volstagg laughed. ‘So, he can still speak it seems! We thought you lost your tongue, Loki.’

Loki looked at the big redheaded man. ‘What would _I_ be without it?’ he answered with a smooth voice.

Fandral tapped on Loki’s shoulder while he laughed. ‘Indeed, for what would a silver-tongue be without a tongue?’

‘You are very sharp Fandral’, Loki mocked him.

Sigyn giggled behind her hand. Thor, Sif and the other two warriors sniggered as well. When Fandral noticed no one but himself laughed at his comment and everybody else was laughing about him instead, he looked away angrily.

‘We have missed your sharp remarks, brother’, Thor said with smiling eyes.

‘Good to know I can be at service to you, my prince’, Loki replied with coldness in his voice.

Thor heard it as well and grief crossed his eyes briefly, before he turned to Volstagg to ask him something about the training today. Sigyn looked at her right again. Odin had his eye fixed on Loki and she was wondering what he was thinking, his expression did not reveal anything. He could not have thought that pledging his loyalty would make Loki their loyal subject at once, could he? Because Loki had not forgiven Odin yet and maybe that would never happen. When the All-Father suddenly turned his eye towards Sigyn she averted her gaze to her plate immediately.

‘You should come and spar with us sometime again, Loki’, Volstagg said and bended towards Sif. ‘We could use a new challenger, for the other one is always running out to the loo!’ He and the other two warriors laughed while Sif growled.

‘Very funny Volstagg’, she replied.

Loki turned his gaze towards Thor. ‘Perhaps’, he answered.

*

When dinner was over and the king and queen left the table with their two companions Loki and Sigyn walked towards their chambers. To not be followed by their guards was a strange sensation. Sigyn got used to the footsteps following them. It could be annoying being on a constant watch, but it also gave a sense of security. She did not know if Loki had enemies in the palace. If he had she would be at risk as well. But she knew she would be at risk before she married him, of course. Although now they had their magic back they at least could defend themselves.

When they arrived at their chambers the guards were gone and the doors were locked. Loki tried to pull at the handle but there was no movement. ‘What is this, some kind of joke?’ he looked around.

Sigyn was actually hoping for a bath and then her bed. She was tired, more than usual after dinner and she needed to use the loo, very, very much.

‘Prince Loki, princess Sigyn’, it was the same servant they met at dinner who showed them their new seats. ‘If you would follow me, please.’

‘Where to?’ Loki asked.

‘Your new chambers, my prince, your old ones are no longer available.’

Loki growled. ‘All right then.’

The servant kept a quick pace and Sigyn had a hard time keeping up. She did not know these hallways, but then again she did not know any of the hallways because they looked too much alike, especially at night. But it took quite a while and her bladder was pressing.

Finally, after they took several turns and two stairs up, they arrived at two big golden doors. The servant opened them and bowed. Sigyn and Loki walked in together. First they entered an antechamber much like their old antechamber but bigger and more luxurious. One door led to the living room and the other one to their bedroom. They entered the door on their left first. The place, lit by the fire, was just as big as their old chambers together. They had three couches now, instead of one and six bookcases were filled until the ceiling. A cabinet and a big table with six chairs completed their furniture. Flowers were placed in the middle of the table, their scent filled the room. Sigyn walked towards the balcony, expecting it to be as large as the one in their old chambers. But when she opened the curtains she noted the balcony existed out of the whole length of the living room.

When she looked back she saw Loki disappear into the next room. She followed him and could not stop staring. The bedroom was almost the same size as the living room. The bed was bigger than the one they had before. When first one person could lie between them, now it could be two. Two big wardrobes stood against the walls and they both had two chairs to fold their clothes upon. The balcony, like in the living room, existed out of the whole length of the room.

Loki walked to the other side of the bedroom and opened the door far left. Sigyn did the same with the door on the far right. She did not think she could be more astonished. She first entered a dressing room before she entered the part with a bath that looked like a pool.

Sigyn turned around when she noticed Loki was standing behind her. ‘We could have a pool party at my bathroom alone.’

Loki grinned and placed his arms around her waist. ‘If that party only existed out of you and me, I would not mind’, he said close to her ear.

Sigyn laughed. ‘You wish’, and pulled herself out of his arms. ‘Now if you don’t mind, nature is calling urgently.’ She pushed him out of her bathroom and closed the door.

*

That night Sigyn could not fall asleep. She blamed the bed. The mattress felt abnormal. It was not too hard or too soft, or anything, just different and she could not find a comfortable position. With her pillow she had the same problems. The room was not cold, their old bedroom was colder, but still it did not satisfy her. Maybe the sheet was too thin. She preferred more fabric around her. But she did not know where to find a blanket and she did not want to look for it _now_. She was tired, she really was, but she just could not fall asleep and the ceiling of their four poster bed was her observation point for it seemed hours.

‘Could you please lie still, for just one moment?’ Loki asked annoyed.

Sigyn sighed. ‘I cannot sleep.’

Loki turned around to her. ‘I notice.’

Sigyn wanted to blame the bed, but knew she could not. ‘I just don’t understand.’

‘Understand what?’

‘Any of _this_.’

‘And by _this_ you mean our new chambers and seats at the dinner table, I presume?’

Sigyn turned towards Loki. ‘Yes. Well, I mean, I understand the seats at the dinner table, I guess. But this, why this? I mean, he must know, Odin must know that you did not mean it, not really, right?’

‘You mean that I lied’, Loki replied.

‘Well, yes, if you want to put it that way.’

‘Oh, he knows.’

‘But why then? Why does he dismiss every guard and moves us to this ridiculously large and luxurious chambers?’

Loki rolled onto his back. ‘I retook the name of Odinson. I never really abandoned it, but he thought so. Now I am family again and _this_ is how you get welcomed by this family.’

Sigyn frowned. ‘But if you are family now, what were you before?’

‘A threat.’

‘So now that you are family again you are no longer a threat?’

Loki looked at her. ‘I did not say that.’

‘I don’t understand at all then.’

Loki grinned. ‘Welcome to the family Odinson.’

Sigyn turned to her back. ‘It’s not funny, Loki.’

He shifted towards her and rested upon one arm while he bended over her. ‘What’s not funny about it? You can go wherever you want, outside of these palace walls. Now you take a guard with you to protect you, not to guard you. Is that not what you want?’

Sigyn looked at him, angered. ‘Yes, of course it is. But what are the terms and conditions?’

‘Do not cross Odin.’

‘And if one of us does?’

Loki stroked her cheek. ‘Have you so little faith in me, Sigyn? Did I not prove myself enough to you?’

Sigyn averted her gaze. ‘I don’t know you, Loki.’

He brought his mouth to her ear. ‘There is not much to know.’

Sigyn closed her eyes briefly. ‘Liar.’

Loki grinned. ‘See, you know me’, he said before he pressed his lips upon hers.

*

The next day Sigyn was going out. No guard was following her and no one was telling her she could not leave. It felt strange, but liberating. When she arrived at the stables she asked for Loki’s horse, because she had no horse of her own.

‘You are his wife, princess Sigyn, if I am correct’, the head of stables said.

Sigyn nodded. ‘I am. He gave me permission to use his.’

‘No need, we already took care of that.’

Sigyn’s eyes widened when a stable-boy came towards her with a reddish brown mare at his reins.

‘What’s her name?’ Sigyn asked when she laid her hand on her snout.

‘Fiery, my lady’, the head of stables answered. ‘She is ready when you are.’

Sigyn nodded while she was amazed by this beauty of a horse. The mare was not too big for her, but not too small either. She had big brown eyes and long black lashes. Her fluffy ears stood up straight, while she was snuffling at her hand. Sigyn smiled, it tickled her a bit. The stable-boy gave her a small stool and she used it, even if she knew she could manage to mount the horse herself. When she was mounted she led the mare out of the stables and without looking back she spurred Fiery into a trot and rode off.

She crossed the fields towards the river. There was quite some wind, but she did not mind. She let her hair out of her cape and let the wind catch it. The sun warmed her face and for a moment she closed her eyes. She wondered if she could do this every morning, before everyone woke up, before dawn arrived. She would love to greet the sun like this. Their chambers were on the south side now, so she couldn’t catch the morning sun from the balcony any more.

Sigyn wanted to go faster and spurred Fiery into gallop. The seeds of the dandelion blew up by the velocity they made. When she arrived at the river she led Fiery towards a big tree and bound the reins to a branch. She herself walked towards the river and lay down on the grass. She folded her arms behind her head and looked up. She had not seen the sky in its fullness for a long time, the palace walls always denying her a full view. She would love to come here at night, maybe she and Loki could. But she did not know if he would come if she asked him, if he cared about these things as much as she.

She could run now. Be rid of the palace life, be rid of the family Odinson, be rid of Loki. But could she ever be rid of him? They were bound, bound in marriage and now she was with his child bound by blood as well. He would find her, she knew that as much. His magic was powerful. She felt it when he kissed her, when he made love to her. Not only their bodies but also their spirits were joined. Now her magic had returned she could feel his spirit as well. It never felt more electrifying. He must have felt it too. She did not want him to stop kissing her, touching her, only their joined bodies could really satisfy her at that moment.

‘Sigyn?’

She looked up when she heard a voice she recognized. When she sat up she saw a young man with dark brown hair walking towards her. She smiled. ‘Andreas.’ She stood up to greet him with a hug. ‘How are you doing?’ she asked after she let him go.

‘I am well’, he answered while he lowered his eyes to her belly.

‘And your father? Well too, I hope?’

Andreas looked up to her then. ‘He’s coping.’

Sigyn laid her hand on his shoulder. ‘I am so sorry for everything.’

Andreas shook his head. ‘It wasn’t your fault, she wanted it herself. My aunt, she…’ He averted his gaze.

Sigyn nodded. ‘I know.’

‘Did they treat you very badly?’

She didn’t really want to think back about it, the people yelling at her, calling her names, beating her bloody. It was mere luck a city guard found her and she got arrested, otherwise she would not be here to tell the tale. Healers at the palace had to help her first before she was condemned to prison. Her face was mutilated, almost all of her ribs were broken and she had only one functional lung left. They fixed her up completely and time in prison helped her to recover totally.

Sigyn swallowed. ‘It was… harsh.’

Andreas looked up. ‘Did they not punish you?’

‘They did. But marrying Loki got me out.’

‘Prince Loki, you mean?’

Sigyn nodded.

‘And now you are carrying his child’, he said with disdain in his voice.

‘I am’, she answered while tears filled her eyes. Because she knew Andreas did not like it, hated it even and his father would hate it as well. They all knew what Loki had done, he was a brutal murderer and she had given herself away to him.

‘I am not sorry’, she followed. ‘I did not want to spend the rest of my life imprisoned.’ She brought her hands before her face. ‘I just did not.’

When she felt his arms around her she pressed her face against his shoulder and dried her eyes against the fabric of his shirt. He was smaller than Loki she realised.

‘Of course you did not want to’, he replied. ‘I just wish you did not have to.’

Sigyn looked up at him. ‘Me too.’

‘Would you like to come to the house tomorrow? I know father would love to see you.’

Sigyn shook her head. ‘I don’t know if it’s safe for me in the city.’

‘You could go undercover. I will pick you up at the Hill, so you don’t have to walk into the city alone.’

Sigyn bit her lip. She would love to go to the city and spend time with the family Nilsson, finally be around people she knew and recognized as her own.

She nodded. ‘I will then.’

Andreas smiled. ‘I will see you when the sun rises.’

Sigyn smiled as well. ‘Yes, when the sun rises.’


	10. Chapter 10

Loki saw her riding off in the distant. It was not his black horse she rode, so he assumed Odin took care of that as well. He placed his hands on the balcony railing. Maybe he should have gone with her, he had seen enough of the palace for a while, but he could not. Making love to her last night was more intense than previous nights. He could feel her magic when he touched her bare skin, when he kissed her, when he joined their bodies. She was more powerful than he thought she would be. She could even become as powerful as he, would she care for it. He could teach her maybe, although he did not think he would be bothered enough. He tightened his jaw. He _could_ not get too bothered. She was only a pretty face who carried his child. She _had_ to be only that.

When Loki went outside he walked towards the fields. While he stood in the long grass he closed his eyes. The wind was blowing through his hair. Normally he would be bothered by it, but now he did not care. He was outside the palace grounds and that satisfied him more at the moment than being upset by some wind. The sun was warming his face. He had not felt the rays of the sun on his skin and enjoyed it so much for a very long time.

And then there was his magic. It was flowing through his body again, freely, like a river. He felt it in his veins, in every nerve of his body, even at the point of his nose. When he ran his fingertips against each other he felt the magic come to life. A little spark arose, just like two firestones that were tapped against each other. But the spark was not warm and not cold either. This feeling, to be complete again, whole again, it weighed against the pledge he had made to Odin. He did not feel like such a beggar now, not really.

‘What are you doing?’

It was Thor, Loki would recognize his voice out of thousands. He sat on a horse. Loki did not look up.

‘What does it look like?’ He answered.

‘You being crazy.’

Loki smiled. ‘Something like that.’

‘We are going to the river, to swim. Want to come?’

Loki opened one eye and saw the Warriors Three behind him on horses as well. He closed his eye again. ‘No, thank you.’

‘They would not mind’, Thor continued.

‘But I would mind… seeing you all naked.’

Thor had no response and rode away, the other three men following him. When Loki looked up he could see them vanish in the distance. The moment was gone and he blamed Thor for it. If he would just leave him alone Loki would still enjoy the blissful feeling. He moved his fingertips against each other again and when he felt the spark he closed his eyes. The blissful feeling returned and he was satisfied once more.

*

‘Loki?’

It was Sigyn, he knew her voice as well. She stroked his cheek gently and he laid his head into her hand. He opened his eyes then. She looked worried.

‘Are you well?’ she asked.

When he looked around he noticed he was still standing in the field. The sun had moved behind the palace and there was nothing else but shade around him. He did not know how long he had been standing here out in the open with his eyes closed. Had he been sleeping?

‘We have to go back’, he answered, still somewhat confused.

Sigyn nodded and with the reins of her horse in her hand they walked back to the palace grounds.

*

Sigyn woke early the next morning, the sun was not up yet. She crawled out of Loki’s arms carefully and dressed herself. Breakfast was not served yet, but she expected to eat if she arrived at the Nilssons. She sneaked out of their chambers and walked through the palace with a quick pace while fastening her cloak. No one but one stable-boy was present at the stables. He lay asleep in the hay. She did not know if she should wake him or if she could fetch Fiery herself. But when she walked past him he woke.

‘My lady?’ he asked with a voice heavy with sleep.

Sigyn turned towards him. ‘Will you make Fiery ready for me?’

The boy stood up and rubbed his eyes. He nodded. ‘Wait here, princess.’

Sigyn waited impatiently. She didn’t want to miss the moment the sun rose. It was the best part of the day and she missed it so much. She missed the Hill where she used to go to so much.

When the stable-boy had readied her horse she took the reins and walked with the mare out of the stables. The boy wanted to fetch the stool to help her mount, but she was already seated before he walked away. She spurred Fiery and rode off. She crossed the field and passed the tree at the river. She knew she needed to follow the river for a while and then bend to the left. She had walked here before, before she became a wife and a princess.

When she arrived at the Hill she saw a figure standing on top. She dismounted her horse and bound the reins to a nearby tree. She placed her hood over her head and walked towards the slope of the hill. When she recognised the man as Andreas she waved and he waved back. They embraced when they met.

‘You are just in time’, Andreas said and pointed to the sky.

Sigyn looked and saw light appear in the darkness. She smiled.

‘I brought you breakfast’, Andreas said. ‘I thought you might be hungry.’

She nodded. ‘Yes, I am, thank you.’

When she took a bite of the bread she closed her eyes. It was soft and sweet, like she remembered.

‘Your father made this himself, did he not?’

‘He did.’

‘I missed it so much.’

Andreas laughed. ‘Is the food in the palace that bad then?’

‘No, it’s not. But this reminds me of good times, times with no…’ Sigyn averted her gaze. It was almost another life, her life in the city. She was a different person then. Always happy, no _real_ worries to think about and loved by most. Now she was hated by most and loved by few. She could not even remember when she was _really_ happy and her life was one constant worry, one constant uncertainty.

‘I am sorry, I should not have asked’, Andreas said softly.

Sigyn looked up at him. ‘It’s alright, you may ask me anything.’ She laid her hand on his arm. ‘Always.’

Andreas was like a little brother to her. She knew the family Nilsson very well. She nursed his mother when she was ill and helped her when she decided she didn’t want to live anymore.

When the sky was lightened with a warm colourful display and the sun rays were almost peeking above the horizon Sigyn dropped on her knees. She closed her eyes and stretched her arms in front of her. When the first rays tickled on her face she could almost cry. The sensation was overwhelming. She missed this moment so much. She always thought about her father and mother. She thanked them for the life they gave her and told them she would love them forever. She did the same now.

She also always thought about the good things in her life, her friends and the work she did. The only good thing in her life right now was the child growing in her womb and the fact her magic was returned to her. She was also thankful for this special moment she shared with Andreas.

When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she looked up at him with moisten eyes. Then she realised she _had_ been crying.

‘Shall we go?’ he asked.

Sigyn looked to the sky. The sun had risen above the horizon. She nodded and they took each other’s hands when they rose. He wanted to let her go, but she grabbed his hand tighter.

‘No, please.’ She missed this, the simple gesture of holding hands. Loki and she never held hands. It meant the world to her, for it meant friendship, love and trust. But Loki and she had neither, she reckoned.

Andreas nodded when he saw the earnest expression in her eyes and with their joined hands they walked to the city.

It was just as Sigyn remembered, lively and colourful. The small streets were already crowded with people who went to their work. Most of them were market vendors and always started early. She placed the hood of her robe over her head when she entered the area she lived. They knew her face too well. For one moment she wanted to pass her old home, but then realised it would pain her to see it did not belong to her anymore.

When they arrived at Andreas’ house, his father opened the door for them with a welcoming smile. She walked straight into his embrace when she entered.

‘It’s so good to see you, dear Sigyn.’

‘It’s very good to see you too, Nils’, Sigyn replied.

Nils let her go and he eyed her thoroughly. She thought Andreas and his father looked so much alike. They both had the same dark brown hair and warm brown eyes.

‘I am glad you look well, the last time…’ He shook his head. ‘I’m so very sorry I was too late’, he continued with a soft voice.

Sigyn laid her hand on his forearm. ‘Let us not speak of it no more.’

Nils nodded. ‘Andreas never saw a thing. That, at least, is something to be grateful for.’

‘It is.’ Sigyn smiled. ‘Well, then, let me have more of that wonderful bread of yours.’

*

After she spent the morning at the family Nilsson, she made a walk through the city. Nils and Andreas offered to join her, but she wanted to walk on her own, like she used to do. Wearing her cloak she reckoned she would not be recognized, she even covered a part of her face with her scarf.

She had a wonderful time at the Nilssons. She was glad to see they both were doing well, even though the grief was still present. They were both still thankful for her help and she couldn’t hear it enough. She was presented as a killer, a life-stealer, while she was not. She never wanted the woman to die, but the woman herself wanted to. She lived with a lot of pain and she could not even leave the house. Even though she knew it to be hard for her husband and son to end her life, she knew she had to, because it was harder for them to see her suffer so.

Sigyn walked past some shops she used to visit. But enter she could not, for they might recognize her voice or features. When she turned around a corner she startled because she walked straight into the arms of Theoric. She wanted to turn around, but he grabbed her by her wrist.

‘Sigyn, I thought I saw you earlier, walking with the Nilsson boy.’

Sigyn wanted to pull herself out of his hold. ‘Let me go.’

But Theoric held her tighter. ‘Not smart to be out in the city on your own, is it? If I reveal you now, you would not survive.’

Sigyn narrowed her eyes. ‘Don’t you _dare_.’

‘I don’t, if you walk with me peacefully.’

She growled.

‘I only want to talk’, he continued.

‘Where to?’

‘You will see.’

Sigyn walked with him then, keeping in mind that this situation could become dangerous. She did not trust Theoric, but she was not scared of him either. He never really harmed her, but if he wanted to she had her magic to protect her.

He took her to an abandoned shed just outside of the city. He led her in and closed the door, she watched carefully if he did not lock it. He stared at her intensely before he spoke.

‘I am sorry, about the last time. I should not have…’He averted his gaze. ‘I should not have said the things I said and done the things I done.’ He walked towards her. ‘But you are in my mind, constantly and I hate it you are married to that _bastard_.’ He lowered the hood from her head and pressed a kiss upon her hairs. ‘You deserve more than that, you do.’

Sigyn closed her eyes briefly. His gentle touch soothed her nervousness she had before she walked in here. ‘I know’, she whispered.

He looked at her. ‘Run away with me. I will take you anywhere you want, I will protect you, I will take care of you, just like I used to. You will live as my daughter only, I promise.’

Sigyn shook her head. ‘I can’t, he will find me, Theoric.’

‘You have your magic, you can cloak yourself from him, surely?’

‘My magic is no use for me. We are bound, not only by marriage, but by blood also.’ She laid her hands on her belly. ‘I am with child.’

‘What?’ His face and posture stiffened. ‘You are carrying _his_ child, the child of a monster?’

‘He is not a monster’, Sigyn answered quickly, hoping he did not know who Loki _truly_ was. He must not know, none of the citizens must ever know.

‘He is not? While he killed all those innocent people?!’

Right, of course, he was referring to that. That was what the citizens knew, what _she_ knew of Loki before she married him. The things he was put to justice for. She could have known.

He averted his gaze to her abdomen. ‘How long?’

‘Three months.’

‘Three months’, he shook his head. ‘It’s too long, too long.’ He walked away from her, with his hands clutched in his red brown hairs. When he turned around his eyes looked like that of a mad person.

‘There’s but one way.’

He pulled a dagger out of his boot and walked towards her, his eyes never averted from her belly.

‘What are you doing?’ Sigyn walked backwards, but in the end found the wall.

‘We need to cut it out’, he sneered. ‘We need to cut the monster out.’

When the dagger found her abdomen she pushed it back with her hands. The silver cut deep into her skin, but she suppressed the pain.

‘Stop it, Theoric, you are hurting me!’

But he pushed further and did not seem to hear her scream.

‘Stop it! _Now_!’ She yelled and with the strength of her magic she pushed him away.

He fell backwards while the dagger dropped on the floor. Sigyn looked at her blood stained hands but put the sight and the pain out of her mind, she could tend to it when she was safe. She picked up the dagger and ran to the door. He stood up and followed her, but before he reached her she turned around and threw the dagger at him. She hit him in the shoulder and he screamed. With trembling hands she opened the door and when she liberated herself she ran away, away to safety, safety she would find in the palace and in the palace alone.

*

Loki was pacing the living room with large steps, his posture stiff and hands clenched into fists. When he woke, Sigyn was gone. First he thought she was taking a bath or eating breakfast before taking a bath. But she was neither in her bathroom, nor in the living room. He looked into her wardrobe, but her clothes were still there. He went down to the stables where he was told Sigyn took Fiery for a ride before the day even started. Loki _hated_ this. Why did she not tell him? Why did she sneak out in the middle of the night? What was she up to? He realised then he should not ask these questions, that he should not care. So he decided to read instead.

But he could not concentrate. Every paragraph, every sentence, every word he read over and over again and still he did not understand what was written. The questions kept on popping up in his mind. What was she up to? Why did she not tell him? He then decided to focus on his magic, for this, surely, would keep his mind quiet. But when he closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers against each other, he could not feel anything. No spark, no sensation. He tried many times, even to a point he thought his magic had disappeared forever. The questions still kept on popping up in his mind. What was she up to? Why did she not tell him?

And now he was pacing the room, _hating_ her for unsettling his mind so. He should not care what she was up to, but he did not like her sneaking out, behind his back, having secrets. Maybe she was going to tell people who he _truly_ was. People would sympathise with her for sure and feel pity for her, that such a beautiful young woman should marry a monstrous creature like him. The people would protest against Odin for keeping a Jotun in their midst. Loki would be locked up forever, or maybe worse, slain, and she would be free, free to marry she chose.

Suddenly the door opened and Sigyn walked in. When she saw him she looked almost displeased.

‘Where _have_ you been?!’ He yelled.

Sigyn did not answer. She looked strangely out of breath, panicked almost, and her face looked as white as a sheet. Her gaze averted to her hands then, her blood stained hands and she trembled. Loki did not see straight away she was injured and did not see the blood on her dress as well. He walked towards her.

‘What happened?’ his voice was more gentle, but still pressing.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, eyes big with shock. Seeing her like this distressed him more than the blood on her hands and on her dress.

‘What happened, Sigyn? Tell me.’

‘Theoric, he…’ she stammered. ‘He was mad, he was, I never seen him like that. He tried to kill her.’

Loki tightened his jaw. Why would she visit Theoric? Why would she still want to be in contact with him?

‘He tried to kill who?’ Loki asked.

Sigyn laid her hands on her abdomen while the tears streamed down her face. ‘The child, he wanted to _cut_ her out.’

Loki’s eyes widened. ‘What?!’

‘I stopped him with my bare hands and threw the dagger in his shoulder.’

Loki took her hands and turned the palms towards him. The cut of the blade ran deep. The bleeding had stopped, but she had not found the time to heal herself yet. Loki’s posture stiffened. How dare he to threaten _his_ wife and try to slay _his_ child. Theoric was no one, he was nothing. Loki was a _god_ , he had magic more powerful than most in this realm. He would crush him, make him suffer for what he had done and regret the day he crossed the god of mischief.

Loki let Sigyn’s hands go and grabbed his black cloak.

‘What are you doing?’ Sigyn asked with a trembling voice, still heavy with shock.

Loki swung his cloak around his shoulders and turned around. His gaze was most dark and dangerous. ‘I am going to _kill_ him.’

Sigyn shook her head. ‘No, please, no. I beg of you.’

She barricaded the door, but he pushed her away.

‘No, please, Loki. You don’t know what you are doing.’

When Loki opened the door he looked back at her. ‘I know exactly what I am doing.’

‘No!’ Sigyn sank onto her knees while he walked away. He heard her crying before he closed the big golden doors behind him.

*

With big steps Loki walked to the stables. He barked at the stable-boy to ready his horse while he impatiently paced up and down in front of the stable doors. It was late afternoon. The sun was low and cast a lot of shadow, especially in the city. Loki grinned, he was the master of shadows and with Theoric wounded he would be in the advantaged position. When his horse was ready he left driving the black stallion to full speed.

The streets were busy on this time of day. People transported themselves from work back home, maybe do some quick groceries as well. Loki did not mind, he could disappear in the crowd. He left his horse at the inn Thor and he stayed one time when they were young, when they tried not to be princes, but commoners. They failed, of course, because Thor had too much ale and was bragging about their lives in the palace. The innkeeper let them stay the night, but brought them back to the palace the next morning, to a displeased Odin and Frigga. It was _his_ idea of course, but Thor was the one who got the full punishment while Loki played the innocent and sweet little brother. It worked very well back in the days.

Loki wondered where a man such as Theoric would go to. He drank a lot, from what he could tell from Sigyn’s stories. What could be a better place for an injured and defeated man than a tavern? But the city had a lot of taverns, although not all were open just yet, only those in one particular area. Loki knew that area well, for he himself went there more than a few time. The people did not bother strangers, most of them were drunk anyway. He always sat alone in a dark corner where he could observe the people. He waited for a fight to arise, because it always did and it always entertained him. He met a woman there too sometimes, she called herself Amora. She pretended to be a stage actress, while she was just a hooker. But she was entertaining and the sex was great, that was why he tolerated her around him. He had not seen her for quite a while now. It must have been years ago when he last went to the city. He wondered if she still made her living like that, or married and had seven children. She said she always wanted a lot of children.

Loki visited several of those depressing taverns, when at last he spotted Theoric. His red hair and big posture were hard not to recognize. He sat at the bar, one arm placed in a sling and in the other hand holding his ale. Loki smirked. He walked towards him and placed his hand firm on Theoric’s wounded shoulder. The man screamed.

‘Why don’t you come with me?’ Loki said with a low voice and dragged the man from his bar stool. He pushed him through the door, onto the small square. The man was still moaning and Loki had time to push him into a dark alley.

‘Who are you?’ Theoric asked, while holding his shoulder with a painful look on his face.

‘I am your worst nightmare.’ He walked towards him, readying his daggers. ‘I am the one who married your precious Sigyn and enjoy _fucking_ her every night.’

Theoric tightened his jaw. ‘Loki.’

Loki placed the hood off his head. ‘So nice to know you _do_ know my name, because it is so much more enjoyable for me to kill you now.’ He pressed his dagger against Theoric’s throat. Blood escaped, but Loki let himself be pushed away by his opponent before he could do something drastic.

‘My, my, some brute strength, Sigyn must have been lucky to escape from you.’

Theoric pulled his dagger out of his boot. ‘It’s you, monster, I wanted her to escape from.’

The word monster was ringing in Loki’s ears louder than he wished, but he did not let it show.

‘By cutting her open? Oh, that is a brilliant plan, if you wanted to kill the child and _her_.’

Theoric walked towards Loki, his dagger in clear view. It was too easy, far too easy, this was not a real fight. He let himself be pushed against the wall.

‘She would heal herself, I know she would’, Theoric continued while he grabbed Loki by his throat and pushed his dagger under his ribs.

Loki grinned. Yes, there it was, the blissful pain. It released a power, his power, because he could feel his magic flowing rapidly through his veins. When the dagger was pressed deeper into his body Loki rubbed his fingertips against each other and with a blow he pushed Theoric away from him who flew against the opposite wall. Loki sank through his legs and pulled the blade out of his body while he watched the other recover.

‘You weren’t meant to be with her’, Theoric coughed.

But when the blade was out, Loki realised he was losing a lot of blood fast. ‘Clearly The Norns do not agree with you.’

Theoric rose. ‘She does not love you, she will never love you!’

He lifted Loki by his cloak and pushed him onto the square. Loki stood up quickly, he was weakened, but so was Theoric. He wiped off his mouth while he made a dagger appear in the air. He had been waiting for this moment. He took three steps to the left, waiting for his opponent to strike. Theoric had his dagger present as well and made the opposite moves. Loki smirked. He was faster than him, he knew because Theoric’s posture was like Thor’s. But Theoric knew this too because the moment Loki ran into him, he threw his dagger. Loki dived and jumped onto him while he forced his dagger under Theoric’s ribs. The man sank onto his knees with a loud scream.

‘Loki!’

It was Thor. Now he needed to finish it fast. With one snap to Theoric’s neck the man dropped on the floor. Loki turned towards Thor, he had Mjolnir in his hand and his red cape was waving behind him. A crowd had gathered on the square, Loki just realised. He grinned while he put his hands in front of him.

‘Come to arrest me, brother?’


	11. Chapter 11

‘Please, let me go to him, let me talk to him’, Sigyn said to Thor.

Palace guards took Loki to the dungeons just after Thor brought him in. She saw him from a distance, his hands were bound by chains.

‘You cannot’, he answered, his voice deep and severe. ‘The trial is tomorrow. Prepare yourself, for you will be summoned.’

Sigyn eyes widened. ‘Trial?’

‘You cannot leave your chambers until tomorrow. Dinner will be brought to you soon after I leave. And Sigyn,’ Thor laid his big hand on her cheek, ‘try to rest.’

Sigyn’s mouth trembled. ‘Tell me that all will be fine first.’

Thor shook his head. ‘I do not know.’

*

But Sigyn could not sleep that night. The bed seemed even bigger now Loki was not resting beside her. She grabbed the sheet together and pressed it against her, at least now she had something to rest her body to. Her hands were completely healed. Thor made her go to the healers. She should never have gone to the city. She thought she would be safe, unrecognisable, but she became overconfident after such a splendid morning with the Nilssons.

He was death now, the person who knew her almost her entire life, killed by her monstrous husband. If he would be convicted by this crime, and he would, Thor witnessed it after all, she did not know what her future would hold. She could not stay at the palace, as a prisoner maybe, but as the wife of a convicted Loki she could not. But the city was not a safe place for her either. She would be exiled to the outlands of Asgard, give birth to her child and raise it without any help. She knew the moment Loki walked out it would not end well for the both of them.

She placed her hands on her abdomen and a tear rolled over her cheek. ‘I am so sorry, so very, very sorry.’

*

Loki was brought to the same cell as before, the irony. Even his furniture was still present. He wondered if they had made the trouble to remove them and place them back in or just knew he would be back here again. He thought the latter, although they probably did not expect him to be back so soon. A healer nursed his wound, guarded of course, but Loki wasn’t planning on killing anyone any time soon, certainly not a healer. Dinner was brought to him as well, but he was not hungry. The adrenaline of the fight was still present in his body and he had not felt this awake for a long time. He lay down on the sofa and played with his cup, tossing it in the air and catching it again. He smiled. He had done this a lot while he was locked away. It left him focussed and his mind occupied.

He did see the other prisoners watching him enter and heard them cheering when he was put back in his cell. He did not know if they really enjoyed it seeing him locked away, a prince of Asgard lowered to a life in a prison cell, or if they cheered him on because they thought he had lost his evil tricks. It did not matter. He had not missed his fellow prisoners and he knew he would be out the next day, returning to his wife, a far prettier sight than these lots.

*

The next morning Loki was brought to Odin. He had chains around his wrists and ankles and six guards around him. He was treated as the criminal he once was. There was an audience, just like before, existing out of guards and court people. His mother and Sif were standing on his left, while the Warriors Three stood on his right. The throne looked higher than normal and Odin’s gaze was more pressing.

‘You, Loki Odinson, stand trial for killing Theoric Larsson’, Odin spoke.

‘I pledge, not guilty’, Loki answered with a broad grin.

‘Quiet!’ Odin snarled. ‘You speak when spoken to. Thor Odinson, the first words are yours.’

When Thor stepped forward he kneeled in front of the All-Father and placed his hand on his chest. ‘I, Thor Odinson, hereby swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.’

Loki rolled his eyes. ‘Of course, you always do, you fool’, Loki mumbled to himself.

‘Yesterday, when I was on the training grounds with the Warriors Three, Sigyn came to me. She was severely distressed, her hands and dress were covered with blood. She told me Theoric Larsson had attacked her when she met him in the city. She could defend herself and return to the palace. But when she told Loki what had happened, he threatened to kill him and ran off. She was worried Loki would be in danger and asked me to help him. So I followed Loki and witnessed a fight between him and Theoric. Not whole of it, only the last part when Theoric threw his dagger at Loki and Loki placed his dagger between his ribs.’

‘Did that kill him?’ Odin asked.

‘It would’, Thor answered.

‘But?’

‘But Loki snapped his neck as well.’

‘Loki?’ Odin averted his gaze to him. ‘Did you snap his neck?’

‘I did’, he answered with a cold voice.

Odin bended forward. ‘Care to explain why?’

‘To finish it off.’

‘After you gave the final blow.’

Loki shrugged. ‘Who said it was his final blow?’

Odin stared at him for a moment, but straightened his body. ‘Call in the next witness.’

A guard came forward, Loki did not recognise him. But then again, all the guards looked the same to him. He fell onto one knee and placed his hand on his chest. ‘I, Olaf Ericson, hereby swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.’

Odin gestured him to rise. ‘Tell us, Olaf, what have you witnessed?’

‘I was guarding princess Sigyn when she met with Theoric Andersson in the palace. At first everything seemed well, but after a while I heard him scream at her and I came in to ask if she was alright. She said she was, but I was worried so I brought prince Loki.’

Ah, that guard. Loki recognized him now. How could he forget, finally a guard with some sense.

‘Loki, is this true?’ Odin asked him.

Loki looked at his nails and smoothed them against his chest. ‘Yes, Sigyn was threatened by Theoric that day, but not only threatened.’

‘Tell me, Loki.’ Odin pressed on. Loki could hear the irritation in his voice.

‘She was assaulted as well and it was not the first time.’

Loki could hear the people hold in their breath at the same time and they started talking to each other soon after. He grinned, knowing he dropped a very important note.

‘Call in the last witness!’ Odin yelled and the people were silent at once.

Then Sigyn was brought in, flanked by two guards. She looked nervous, just like on their wedding day. Her eyes scanned the crowd quickly when she entered, but she averted her gaze to the ground when she walked to the throne. She had dark circles around her red eyes and her skin was pale. He wondered if she had slept at all. She glanced at him shortly before she knelt on the ground. She also placed her hand on her chest.

‘I, Sigyn Bjornsdottir, hereby swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.’

‘Tell us about yesterday, Sigyn’, Odin asked. His soft voice Loki had not heard in a long time.

Sigyn rose. ‘I went to the city. My friend Andreas Nilsson invited me to have breakfast with him and his father. After my visit I walked through the city alone for a while when I met Theoric. I knew Theoric my whole life, he and my mother married after my father died. He wanted to speak to me and brought me to a shed. There he threatened me with his dagger.’ She lowered her eyes, ‘Threatened to kill the child within me.’

The people in the Hall reacted shocked again. Loki smiled softly.

‘Why would he do that, Sigyn?’ Odin asked.

‘He was jealous because I married Loki and not him’, her voice became softer with each word she spoke, but the All-Father could hear her perfectly.

‘Loki told me he assaulted you before, is that true?’

‘It is.’

‘At the day he came to meet you in the palace?’

‘Yes.’

‘Did he do it before?’

‘He did.’

‘Has he ever raped you as well?’

Sigyn looked at Loki. It seemed she was searching for an answer. Just one small word was required to set him free, just one small word. She knew it as well. He nodded his head slightly to tell her to continue. She looked at the All-Father then and straightened her posture.

‘He did’, her voice trembled and tears formed into her eyes.

The audience around them started talking to each other and shook their heads. Loki smiled because he knew he would return to his wife again. He looked at his mother then, he did not dare before. She was shocked, her eyes stood wide and her hand was pressed before her mouth. Sif had placed her arm around her shoulder. It struck him to see her so upset, but he could not help it, it had to be done this way.

Odin summoned the audience to silence and looked at Loki. ‘Loki Odinson, it seems you defended the honour of your wife and the life of your child. I hereby sentence you _not_ guilty. You are free to return to your wife.’

The audience seemed to agree with Odin’s verdict and stayed present while Loki’s chains were removed from his wrists and ankles. For a moment he felt dizzy, because his magic, bound again, flowed free through his body once more.

Loki bowed. ‘I thank you, All-Father, although I never doubted your judgement.’

It was a lie, of course, but the audience would believe him and maybe even Odin did as well.

When Loki rose he took Sigyn’s hand. Their magic connected at once and he realised he had missed this feeling. When they turned around he was aware the whole Hall was filled with the audience. He smiled and nodded to several members of the court while he and Sigyn walked away. The two guards who led Sigyn to the Hall accompanied them back to their chambers. But Loki did not register it at all, he could only concentrate on their joined hands.

*

Sigyn felt Loki’s hand burning in hers. She wanted to let him go, but could not with all the audience watching them. Even in front of the guards she could not make a scene, so she just had to accept it. But all the while she felt a ball of anger forming in her stomach and it was growing while they walked back to their chambers.

When they finally were in their living room, Sigyn let him go at once.

‘I hate you!’ she shouted. Her voice sounded rough.

Loki frowned, ‘Whatever for?’

‘For making me lie in front of the All-Father, in front of all the audience present. He never raped me Loki, _never_. He would not do that.’

‘Would not, or could not?’

Sigyn pushed him away from her. ‘You _killed_ him!’

‘It was a fair fight.’

‘I do not believe you.’ Sigyn turned away to the table. She clamped her hands to the chair. Tears formed into her eyes. ‘You killed the only person who knew me my whole life. Now I have no one left.’ She turned around. ‘Don’t you understand?’

Loki’s posture hardened. ‘He assaulted you several times and tried to rip the child out of your belly. I did you a favour, _us_ a favour.’ He walked towards her. ‘Don’t _you_ understand?’

Sigyn placed her hands before her face and shook her head. ‘He betrayed me, Loki, he betrayed me. I wanted to hurt him so bad, so bad.’ She looked up at him, her red eyes were fiery. ‘I wanted to cut him open and rip his heart out, over and over again, for he had done the same to me. But _wanting_ to kill someone is not the same as _doing_ it.’

‘Says the woman who killed as well.’

Sigyn clenched her hands into fists. ‘You know nothing about that!’ She walked away from him. She could not bear to look at his face any longer. ‘We are _not_ the same in this. I killed out of love, but you would never understand that, for you only kill out of hate.’

‘What would you have me do then? Arrest him so he would be locked away? With any bad luck he would be out again in a couple of years and would form a threat to us and our child. I would never let that happen.’

‘It was not your decision to make.’

‘Who was it then? Yours?’

Sigyn turned around. ‘No, the All-Fathers.’

Loki crossed his arms in front of his body. ‘I do not trust him.’

‘No, you just do whatever is best for you.’

Loki’s gaze angered and with big steps he walked towards her, pressing her against the bookcases.

‘That is not true and you _know_ it is not.’

Sigyn lowered her eyes. Yes, she knew. He pledged loyalty to the All-Father not for himself, but for their child. But it was the child and the child only he cared about, not her, never her.

‘He asked me to run away with him’, Sigyn said, her voice soft.

‘Is that what you want, run away?’

Sigyn looked up at him. ‘No.’

Loki sneered. ‘Liar.’

‘I’ll confess, I wouldn’t mind to say the palace life goodbye. I would be much happier with a simple life in the city.’

‘I presume you wouldn’t mind to be rid of me as well, your _monstrous_ husband.’

‘I…’ Sigyn stammered.

She had to admit to herself her life would be easier if he would not be around. But if he would just _listen_ to her, if he would just stop doing things on his own, without her opinion. She pleaded, twice, but he was deaf to her words, blind to her tears. He did what he wanted and she assumed he would never change.

His eyes reddened but he kept his face set. ‘I see.’

He wanted to turn away from her, but she took his hand. Their magic connected within an instant and a little sparkle travelled down to her stomach. Her heartbeat started to accelerate and she felt her cheeks redden. He looked at her and she wondered if he felt the same.

‘No, not you’, she answered soft.

Loki pressed his body against hers and he brought his mouth close to her ear. ‘I am not sorry.’

She could hear his breathing as well, it was heavier than normal.

‘I know’, she whispered.

He moved his lips towards hers and when their mouths found each other they kissed. The feeling was overwhelming. She missed his scent, his body against hers, the presence of his magic. Her legs almost couldn’t hold her so she placed her arms around his neck. Then he placed his arms around her waist and pressed her closer to him.

Was it wrong to want him so? He was a killer, but she knew this from the beginning. She thought she could cope eventually, because marrying him brought her freedom. But now he killed someone she knew, she loved once. He did so without any remorse and she knew he would do it again. She should reject him, deny him the pleasures. But she could not, for she would deny herself the pleasures too. So she had to admit to herself she was attracted to him. Maybe it was because of the child, maybe it was because of their magic connecting. She did not know. But she knew she wanted him, more than anything in the Nine Realms.

Loki pushed her to their bedroom and they fell down on top of the sheet. He stroked her cheek and she laid into his touch. The feeling was electrifying. With only his fingertips he touched the power of her magic within her, it tickled a bit. When she touched him it felt like she was lending her energy to him, but it did not weaken her, for she fed herself with his. When their lips joined again he took her hands and pressed her more deeply into the cushion. She wanted him to have all of her, to feel all of her, every part of her skin and he seemed to be as eager as well.

When they were undressed he slid with his hands over her legs and between her thighs. She gasped for his soft touch only, he did not even come close to her most sensitive spot yet. Her chest quickly rose and fell when he started kissing her between her legs. First only her thighs but when her cries lessened he moved towards her inner parts, to the wet spot. She moaned, for the feeling was most sensational. She grabbed for something to hold, but she only found the sheets to clutch onto. She climaxed fast and her body shook heavily when the feeling washed over her like a big wave.

After she found her breath again Loki was kissing her belly before reaching her breasts. She grasped his hair tight in her hands and started to gasped once more. She never cared about this, but her breasts were sensitive from her pregnancy and that intensified his touch even more. He stroked her face when he looked at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes wide with excitement. He kissed her while he slid into her. To feel his body and energy joined with hers was extraordinary. He bended over her and placed her hands above her head. She curled her legs around his and followed his movements. He breathed heavily, while she moaned and whispered his name when after a few thrusts she climaxed again. It did not take him long to follow after her.

Sigyn only noticed she was crying when the room was quiet once more. He was still lying on top of her while he was catching his breath. When he looked at her, she knew he registered her tears as well. She looked at the ceiling when he moved away from her. She wished she did not have to feel this way. It felt like her body was betraying her for wanting him so badly. She should reject him, punish him in any way she could. She hated him, but she cared about him as well. She could sense his spirit when they were intimate like that and there was kindness, there was vulnerability, there was.

She looked at him then. She did not want to lie on her own, not now, even though he was the one who caused her sorrow, caused her pain. She pressed herself against him. He turned towards her and laid his arm around her waist. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about what he had done, what he could do.


	12. Chapter 12

Whether Sigyn was asleep or not, Loki did not know. She had her eyes closed and her breathing was very evenly. He could not sleep, not after what he just experienced. The adrenaline was still pumping through his body, just like after a dangerous fight with an enemy worthy. Such a fight took all of his concentration, all of his strength. He never felt so awake, so alive, only after such a battle.

It scared him a bit, maybe more than a bit, for he did not know if he had control over himself at that moment. He wanted to touch her everywhere and join their bodies. He wanted to feel her magic to the depths of her soul. He was drawn to it, like a mosquito to blood. Their magic seemed to merge, to overflow. He did not know at some point what was his and what was hers. The power they shared together was overwhelming, almost too much, however he still wanted more.

He saw her tears as well, tears that were not of joy. It did more to him than he was willing to admit. But he was not sorry, he was not. Theoric was a threat, a threat easy to deal with maybe, but a threat nonetheless. She loved him, once, still perhaps. She spoke words of hate, betrayal, although she was merciful enough to let him live.

But she hated _him_ too, she was most clear about that. She felt that he had wronged her, betrayed her maybe. Still, she was willing to let him touch her, let him kiss her and take her. She had to feel it too, she _had_ to, and maybe she as well, was drawn to it.

Loki nuzzled through her hair, her hair that smelled like the sun. She was very lovely and he had to admit he would never let her go, child or not. He laid his hand on her abdomen and could not suppress a smile when he felt the heart beating beneath his touch.

‘Loki’, Sigyn whispered and it reminded him of earlier, when she whispered his name as well.

She looked up to him, her eyes had less sorrow in them when he last met hers. Loki laid his hand on her cheek and he felt her magic responding to his. She closed her eyes.

‘I wonder, are you my friend or my foe?’ she asked, her voice sounded somewhat husky.

‘I am neither.’

Sigyn opened her eyes.

‘I am your husband’, he followed.

Sigyn looked away from him. ‘That’s not enough.’

‘What else do you want, Sigyn?’ Her words bothered him more than he would like to and he could not hide it with his voice. He _hated_ that. ‘Love? Do you want me to lie to you and pretend that I love you? Would that make you happy?’

She turned her gaze to him again then, her eyes were fiery. ‘Friendship would be nice, to begin with.’

Loki sneered. ‘Friendship? You should have married Thor, if you wanted friendship.’

Loki knew of course Sigyn had no choice in the matter, but that was not his point. His big brother was the one with friends. Loki had none, never. Thor’s friends weren’t his. He joined them sometimes, but they never recognized him as their friend. He was the irritating little brother and always would be.

Sigyn tightened her jaw. ‘You don’t even care about me’, her voice trembled a bit.

Loki frowned. ‘Did I not pledge loyalty to the All-Father and returned you your magic? Did I not defend you honour?’

‘You only did it for the child.’

Suddenly he understood her then. For, yes, he did pledge his loyalty to the All-Father for their child. He needed to be certain it would be safe if it would turn out like him. But he gave them their freedom back as well. They weren’t followed by a guard any longer and they could leave the palace when they wanted. And killing Theoric, well of course the life of the child was in danger, but he hated that man for assaulting _his_ wife.

Loki pressed his forehead against hers. ‘Oh my fair Sigyn, you couldn’t be more wrong.’

*

Sigyn had not forgiven Loki yet for what he had done and maybe she never would, but he admitted he cared about her and not only because of the child in her belly. He might not have said it with so many words, but she knew more than enough for now. Although she would like not to be only his wife but his friend as well, someone he could trust.

She and Loki were excused for dinner that night. Sigyn was glad because they could spend the rest of the day how they wanted. So after making love for a second time and a bath, dinner at their own chambers was more than welcome. She was starving and she could absolutely eat anything that was put in front of her. Loki was reading during their dinner and was luckily not interested in her eating manners. She took a bite from the meat and the bread at the same time and gulped it down with water.

‘What did you mean exactly’, Loki started out of the blue. ‘When you said: ‘he tried to kill her’.’

‘What are you referring to?’

Loki looked up from his book. ‘You said to me that Theoric tried to kill _her_ , you were referring to the child, were you not?’

Sigyn felt her face redden and she averted her gaze to her belly. ‘When my magic was returned to me I knew immediately our child was a girl.’

‘Why did you not tell me?’

Sigyn bit her lip and looked up at him. ‘I did not think you would be pleased.’

Loki frowned. ‘Of course I am pleased.’

Sigyn felt her face redden even more, it was silly of her to think he would not be pleased with a girl. But she thought, as an Asgardian prince, he would rather want to have a boy. Why, she did not really know. Loki would never ascend the throne, maybe only if Thor and his descendants would pass away.

‘Did you think of a name yet?’ Loki continued.

He surprised her with this question. For why would he care about such a trifle thing?

‘I… I don’t know’, Sigyn stammered, ‘not really. My mother’s name was Runa. It’s not very common, but I find it beautiful and I would love to use it, even only as a second name.’

‘Runa.’ Loki said and thought for a while before he nodded. ‘I think I like it as well.’

Sigyn was too amazed to be happy he agreed with her. Talking to him about this made her feel very awkward. It was what normal couples would do, couples who were in love and fantasised for days about the name they would give their child. But she knew they were far from a normal couple.

She stood up and walked to the bookcases. She searched for something a child would like to read and she found a book with old fairy tales. She brought it with her to the couch and lay down. She read the words softly out loud, as if she was reading it to a child.

*

When Sigyn opened her eyes a little Loki was carrying her in his arms. He nuzzled his nose through her hair. ‘My fair Sigyn’, he said softly.

She smiled and closed her eyes again. Carefully he laid her on the bed and placed his hand on her little bump. Sigyn opened her eyes then and stroked through his hair. ‘Loki’, her voice was nothing but a whisper.

He looked up at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘You are tired.’

Sigyn nodded and closed her eyes. She was, very tired. He took her into his arms and she fell asleep at once.

*

‘Aim is most important, if not _the_ most important’, Loki explained to Sigyn.

She held a dagger in her hand and was ready to throw. Several targets were placed in the room. Some closer, some further away. Some were traditional and some came in the form of a human being.

‘I thought my aim was pretty good’, she said with a smile.

‘Some call that a lucky shot.’

‘You do.’

He nodded. ‘I do, certainly. When you have more than one opponent, aim is something you have to determine quickly. If done properly you don’t even have to look where the dagger lands, so you can focus upon your next opponent.’

Sigyn breathed in and out deeply before she threw the first dagger, but she missed shamefully. She placed her hand before her mouth and shook her head. Maybe she did have a lucky shot.

‘Aim’, Loki commented.

He stood behind her and laid one arm around her waist while he placed another dagger in her hand. He took her wrist and moved it up and down.

‘Keep your wrist flexible, like when you are throwing a flat little stone in the water and want to let it sail the surface.’

Sigyn nodded. She had done that as a kid, but she was never really good at it.

‘Ok, let me try.’

‘From your shoulder, remember?’ Loki added when he let her go.

She breathed in and out again and loosened her wrist. This time she felt the dagger slipping out of her hand when she threw and she thought it would not hit her target. But she gave the dagger more speed than she thought and it landed perfectly in the middle.

She smiled. It felt so natural and it did not cost her a lot of strength. Even now, when she was over four months pregnant, she could still manage this with ease. The daggers were luckily very light weighted.

‘Again’, Loki said and gave her another dagger.

She aimed for the nearest target again, the targets further away were placed between the columns and were more difficult to hit. The dagger slipped out of her hand smoothly once more and landed in her target, not in the middle, but still, it landed.

‘Now try to hit a few in a sequence. I will give you a new dagger each time you let go of the previous.’

‘How much?’

‘You will see’, he answered with a sly voice.

Sigyn growled, but made herself ready again. When she held up her hand a dagger appeared in her palm out of the thin air.

‘Maybe you should teach me this’, Sigyn said.

‘All in good time’, Loki answered. ‘Now, concentrate.’

When she threw the first dagger, she missed. The second, she missed as well. The third did find its target, but the fourth and the fifth dagger did not even come close.

Sigyn placed her hands in her hair. ‘This is bad, this is very bad.’

Loki nodded. ‘Yes, it is.’

When she looked at him she saw him grinning. He was not helping her, he was just making fun of her. She pushed him away. ‘Don’t laugh, it’s awful.’

‘I am not laughing.’

‘Yes you are, you just don’t show it on the outside.’

Now he did laugh. ‘It’s your first go Sigyn, anything can happen from here.’

Sigyn turned around and looked at the targets disappointedly. ‘I just thought I would be better at this.’

‘Just remember one thing’, Loki said, his mouth pressed closely to her ear.

She turned to him again. ‘Just one?’

‘When an enemy stands as close as I am right now, press your dagger at the soft spot below the last rib, here.’ He pressed with his fingers on the skin below her last rib. ‘And push it up in the skin, under the ribs.’

She whimpered softly. ‘It hurts.’

Loki released her. ‘It does and hopefully more than that.’

Sigyn bit her lip. ‘Are you never afraid?’

‘I am’, Loki answered after a short silence. ‘But not as much as I used to.’

Sigyn would be terrified. She never killed a person in cold blood before, never felt skin press against the point of her dagger or see someone fall on the ground with blood dripping out of his body, blood her dagger caused. It was not that she was afraid of blood. She had seen more of it in her life as a healer than most, but to kill a person in such a brutal way, yes, that did terrify her.

‘Want to go for another round?’ Loki asked.

Sigyn nodded then.

*

‘Teaching her how to throw daggers now, brother?’ Thor mocked him.

‘Shut up, Thor. Sif may be the best female warrior in the Nine Realms, but Sigyn never held a weapon in her hand. She is a skilled healer and possesses powerful magic, the silver blade never interested her. But she is doing pretty fine, if I may say so.’

And it was true. She _did_ fine. After a few lessons her throw was more at aim and she was more focussed. She even succeeded to hit more of the harder targets.

‘Why don’t you teach her any of your magic tricks as well then? They were always very useful in battle.’

‘I shall, in time.’

Loki and Thor were riding towards the river. Loki finally agreed to spend a day with his brother, but with his brother alone. He did not need the company of his idiotic friends. Thor did not mind, he even seemed to prefer to spend time with Loki alone.

‘So, tell me, how is Sigyn holding herself up? Being pregnant and all?’ Thor asked him. ‘Sif is complaining almost the entire day. She seems to blame me for everything these days. Her not training like the Warriors Three and I and gaining a lot of weight because of that are on the top list right now.’

Loki grinned. Sif did gain a lot of weight and every time he saw her he wanted to make fun of her because it was shown too plainly on her face she hated it, but he restrained himself. She already had a mega row with Fandral the other night, probably because of the same thing. But he never heard Sigyn complain about her pregnancy. She was tired more often, could not work in the garden as much as she used to, but he only noticed, she did not say a word about it. She did not gain a lot of weight either, if he looked at her from the back he would not even think she was with child. And on top of that Eir even said the child was growing steady, as it should.

‘Sigyn is doing fine, very fine as a matter of fact.’ He looked at his brother who did not seem to believe him. Loki laughed. ‘I pity you brother, I do.’

‘Shut up, Loki, you and I both know you do not.’

No, indeed he did not. It seemed his big brother drew the short straw in this arrangement and that was a first. But still, Loki did not understand why his brother would marry Sif in the first place. She was a beautiful woman, of course, a skilled warrior, indeed, and a very long and trustworthy friend, but he did not love her, not like he loved Jane.

‘Now you tell me something, brother, since we are having this one on one conversation anyway, why did you do it?’ Loki asked.

‘Do what?’

‘Agree to take Sif as your wife.’

‘You know why’, Thor answered a bit grumpy.

‘No, I do not. You loved Jane and I know you are a man who would not marry a woman if he did not love her.’

‘Then maybe you don’t know me that well, brother.’

Loki rolled with his eyes. ‘Don’t play smart with me, Thor. You know as well as I do you are not skilled with a silvertongue.’

Thor tightened his jaw. ‘What do you want to hear then, Loki? Would you rather have me say I gave up the woman I love for the brother I love more dearly than anything in the Nine Realms? For that _is_ the truth, but you don’t want to hear the truth for it’s too hard for you to know, to bear, that someone loves you, for you only believe in your own lie.’

Loki held his reins tighter and he stiffened his posture. ‘Pray, do tell me, what lie is this, for you seem to know me better than I.’

‘The lie you told yourself from the moment you discovered you are a Frost Giant. The lie you tell yourself still today, that you are a monster, a monster that cannot be loved. And you acted like one, as if you thought it was your nature to act bad, act monstrous. You deliberately pushed people away by your actions and it seemed you wanted us not to love you no more. Because who would love a monster?’

Loki looked away from Thor and tightened his jaw. ‘You are wrong. I am not the only one who thinks I am a monster, Sigyn does as well.’

‘You are a monster Loki, for you killed a lot of innocent people and tried to erase an entire race.’

‘I know what I have done, Thor’, Loki growled.

‘You do not even seem to regret it.’

‘I…’, but Loki did not continue. He did not know the answer himself. He did not care about those sorrowful Midgardians with their miserable short lives, but killing them, terrorising them, did not satisfy him at all. He only tried to anger Thor, anger the All-Father and he succeeded in that, but it did not satisfy him either.

‘He lied to me, Thor. He lied to me all these years’, Loki continued, his voice trembled and he hated himself because of it.

‘I know.’

‘He loved you more than he loved me, he always had and it made a lot more sense to me why when I found out what I was and who I truly am, a war price and a monster. A monster parents tell their children about at night.’

‘I think you are wrong, he did love you and he still does. Can a father not love both his children in a different way?’

Loki looked at Thor then, his eyes were fiery and red. ‘He is _not_ my father.’

‘Then is Frigga not your mother and am I not your brother?’

Loki bit on his lip. He did not want to answer this question, he could not, for he could never turn back if he said they were not, but they _were_ not. And still, a part of him did not want to let them go, for what were they if not his mother, if not his brother?

‘I did it for you, Loki’, Thor continued, ‘but I did it for our mother as well. She _loves_ you, you _are_ her son. I did not want to see her suffer any longer. She _hated_ to see you in that cell. I knew also that Jane and I could never be, not really. And I love Sif, I do. She is the better half of me.’

When they arrived at the river a silence had fallen between the brothers and Loki did not like it. He would rather be alone now, alone, to think this over, think Thor’s words over. But Thor was still here and would not go away, maybe if he asked, but he did not know if he wanted Thor to leave. He paced the riverbank up and down with his hands clenched into fists. He would rather hide away in a dark corner and cry, cry until his mind was straight again. Because he was the monster, he was and he always would be. He placed his hands in his hair.

‘I cannot do this, Thor.’

Thor turned to him after he fastened the reins of the horses to a branch of the tree.

‘What?’

‘This’, Loki gestured between them with tears in his eyes. ‘All of this’, he gestured to the palace. ‘All of it is a lie. Even I, the lie-smith, am a lie.’

‘Loki’, Thor walked towards him and placed his big hand around his neck. ‘Even if that may be so, my love for you is not.’

Loki broke in tears then and Thor held him very tight.

*

Sigyn noticed something different about Loki when he returned from his day at the river with Thor. He was often turned into himself, but not like this. He looked pale and he had dark circles around his hollow eyes. Somehow he seemed defeated. She did not confront him with her observations and stayed silent during dinner. When they lay in bed that evening he did not even want to enjoy her touch and turned away from her instantly. It saddened to see him like this, but she did not know what to do to help him.

Sigyn could not find much peace that night, but when she finally did fell asleep her dreams were so tiring she was glad to wake up after that. It was still dark outside and it brought her up to an idea. She would greet the sun and start the day in the way she most enjoyed it.

‘Where are you going?’ Loki asked when Sigyn was dressed and sneaked past Loki to the front doors.

She was startled by his voice, but after a few deep breaths she was ready to answer him. He, in the meantime, had pulled himself up.

‘I am going to greet the sun at the fields. Want to come?’

Loki shrugged. ‘Sure, why not, I can’t sleep anyway.’

Once he had some clothes on as well, he followed her through the empty hallways. Guards were present, but most of them were fallen asleep standing on their feet. The morning air was still cold, but Sigyn loved the fresh smell and the promise of morning mist. Loki was still following her, even if he was at a distance, she could hear his footsteps on the paved courtyard.

When they reached the field, she closed her eyes shortly and let her hands go through the high grass. It tickled her palms and she smiled. She hummed a song, the song her mother sang when she was young and moved through the grass elegantly. When the words found her again, she sang them softly. It was in a language only her mother spoke. Meanwhile the sky was lightening up, so when she ended the song she kneeled down at a place the field made a slight slope and the grass was not so high. She held out her hands in front of her and closed her eyes when the sun was peeking over the horizon.

A strong wave of happiness overflowed her when the rays reached her and she smiled and cried at the same time. She thanked her mother for putting the song in her head and she thanked her father for giving her life, a life to experience this beautiful moment. She laid her hands on her abdomen and she thanked Loki for giving her the child currently growing in her womb. She opened her eyes when she felt her kicking and looked up at Loki who was standing next to her.

‘Give me your hand.’

He lowered himself down onto his knees without any objection and she pressed his hand on her belly. The child kicked for a second and a third time.

‘She recognizes her father’, Sigyn said.

He looked at her with a glance she never saw before, eyes full of awe.

‘You are an Earth Witch’, he said and laid his hand on her cheek. ‘You must be, because you have bewitched me.’ He pressed his forehead against hers. ‘You have’, he whispered before their mouths found each other in a lingering kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I have disappointed some readers who like Loki and Sigyn having a baby boy, or boys, as in the mythology. But this story is not based on the mythology and I like having them a girl, instead of a boy. I don't know why, I just do.


	13. Chapter 13

It were her blue eyes, they radiated warmth and a golden light like the sun. As if she adopted its power and made it her own. It overwhelmed him. She was like a goddess, she was divine. He _had_ to kiss her and when he did he could taste the warmth of the sun, its power, in her mouth. She transferred it to him. He could feel the warmth centring in his chest and the power flowing through his body.

When he came back to his senses he noticed they lay in the high grass. He looked at her. Her eyes were back to the normal blue colour, but he could feel his own eyes burning as if he looked too long in the sun.

‘What have you done to me?’

Sigyn smiled and laid her hand on his cheek. ‘Don’t worry, it will pass soon.’

Loki’s face turned angered. ‘And then what?’

‘You will feel better. I transferred to you the power and warmth of the sun, did you not notice?’

‘Of course I did’, he bit back. ‘But what good will it do?’

‘In time, it will heal your pain and sorrow.’

‘So what, when this horrible burning in my eyes is over I stand up as a happy chap who never had a care in his life?’

‘I said in time and no, you will not forget the pain and sorrow you had in your life, only make it more bearable.’

Loki stood up then. ‘This hocus pocus may work for you, but keep me out of it.’

But when they walked back to the palace he could feel a certain weight lift of his chest. He did not sleep at all after his conversation with Thor yesterday. He felt gloomy and confused, hating everything around him, including _her_. He could not get rid of _her_. She was present always, not only physically, but in his head as well. He wanted none of it. He wanted to be alone forever, crawled under a blanket and never see any ray of sunlight for the rest of his life. He had that option, but instead he chose life, he chose _her_. They were bound, by marriage _and_ by blood. The child she was carrying was his. He did it for them, he would not have done it without them. He would be dead now, if it wasn’t for them. He would never choose death, not even when he let himself fall from the Bifrost. He would always choose life, death had to come to him first. Suddenly he felt grateful to Sigyn, without her he had not the option to live like this. He would only have his cell to rot in for the rest of his life. He took Sigyn’s hand, their magic connected within an instant. He looked at her and realized he could start over with her. They stopped walking.

Sigyn frowned. ‘Loki?’

‘Teach me how you do this’, he pinched in her hand. ‘I need to know.’

Sigyn smiled and nodded. ‘Come and greet the sun with me every morning and I will.’

*

Loki and Sigyn lay on their bed. Loki had spread some books on the pillows and pointed at the branches of Yggdrasil.

‘The Bifrost is not the only way to travel. There are portals between the realms everywhere’, Loki explained.

‘How will I know where to find these portals?’

‘With your magic. You can feel energies, can you not?’

Sigyn nodded.

‘Portals are big energy holes, so to speak. You will find them with ease. There are some very nearby, we could try tomorrow if you want.’

Sigyn nodded and laid her hand on her belly. She closed her eyes for a moment.

‘What’s wrong?’ Loki asked.

‘She is kicking again.’

Loki moved to Sigyn and laid his hand beside his wife’s. The kicks were very lively and even seemed to increase in frequency.

Loki smiled. ‘She recognizes her father.’

‘Yes, for being such a bastard.’

Loki glanced at Sigyn.

‘You totally embarrassed Sif at dinner’, Sigyn continued.

Loki put on a blameless face. ‘It was just some fun.’

‘You cannot compare a pregnant woman with a whale, seriously.’

‘It was a really subtle reference and everyone thought it was funny, even mother smiled, I saw it in the corner of my eyes. And I heard you sniggering behind your hand as well.’

‘I did, but I should not have.’ Sigyn answered in all earnest and her voice softened. ‘I think she is jealous of me, Loki.’

‘She _is_ jealous of you Sigyn, but who isn’t? Even _I_ am jealous of you.’

Sigyn frowned.

Loki pointed at himself and grinned. ‘Because you married the most handsome god in the Nine Realms.’

Sigyn pushed him away and smiled. ‘You are an asshole.’

Loki’s grin disappeared from his face and he took her cheek in his hand. ‘You are very beautiful Sigyn.’

When Sigyn blushed and looked away from him, he smiled and pressed a light kiss on her forehead.

‘You are’, he whispered.

Sigyn rested her head against his chest. She did not know what to make of him. He seemed in a better mood than ever before. She knew the sun had a positive effect on people, but she had not thought it would workso well onhim. She did not take him to greet the sun with her on purpose that morning, but when they were walking through the field she could feel she had the power to do something, to make a change, or to try at least. For the first time she thanked him for giving her the child that was growing inside her. She meant it, she truly did. And when he looked at her with those green eyes, eyes that showed her a childish surprise, she knew it could work.

For the first time since they were married he spent the whole day with her, mostly doing very useful things like training her throwing daggers and using magic to double oneself. She did quite well, although her double did not last very long. In the late afternoon she read to him, well, it was meant for the child, but he listened as well, lying on the other couch, with his eyes closed.

This attention he gave her made her feel special, wanted and cared for, but she had to be careful not get too attached to it. She still did not know him well, only that he was very unpredictable. His mood could easily be different tomorrow. So she took his words, even though very flattering coming from him, lightly.

‘You should thank my parents’, she replied.

‘I would if I could, but I don’t think there’s a place for me reserved in Valhalla.’

Sigyn looked at him. The honesty he placed in his words shocked her. ‘Please don’t say that.’

‘Why not, if it is the truth? You said it yourself, I am a monster, if not for being a Jotun than for being a brutal killer.’

‘I want to believe in redemption.’

Loki laughed. ‘Redemption? That’s not possible for my lot.’

Sigyn sat up straight. ‘But I am one of your lot. I was imprisoned for the same reason as you. I killed an innocent person, she wanted to die, but still, and I was said to be a threat to Asgard as well.’

Loki sat up straight too. ‘But you killed only one, I killed a hundred more and I am not only considered a threat to Asgard, but to the whole Nine Realms.’

‘I was dragged through the streets and beaten bloody for it. The look in their eyes, it was horrible, as if I was some kind of monster, while I only ever wanted to help.’ Her lip quivered. ‘Their looks hurt more than their kicks and I let them, because I thought if they considered me to be a killer, then I had to be.’

She glanced at her hands with moisten eyes. ‘I would have died if the guard did not find me and took me to the palace. They nursed me before they locked me up. For a long time I thought I deserved to be dead, or at least stay in my cell to rot until the end of my life. But then you were brought in.’

Sigyn looked up to Loki. ‘I watched you. Even though you were at the other end of the dungeon I could still see a glimpse of you sometime. You were the first Asgardian I saw in prison. I did not know who you were at first, but I knew you had to be special because you got furniture like me. But you were even more privileged because you had been given books to entertain you. So when the queen started to visit you I knew who you were and figured the rumours I heard in prison had to be true. But the queen spoke such kind words to you, words of love and hope. Then I realized if there were still persons who loved you, you were worthy of redemption. I knew Theoric loved me, although in the wrong way maybe, and the Larssons did as well. I knew then I had to make amends and that made me decide to marry you. I knew if I made amends I could be saved.’

‘And did you made amends?’ Loki asked.

‘Not yet, but I hope I will someday.’

Loki lowered his eyes. ‘You and I are not the same in this, my actions were much severe, much worse.’

Sigyn laid her hand on his arm. ‘But I know you can save yourself, Loki. I know this, for you have people around you who love you still, even after what you have done.’

Loki took her hand in his, but did not look up to her. ‘Could you love me?’

Sigyn did not know what to answer him because she only knew the stories of his horrible actions and so little of the person who he was before. The months she was married to him did not contain the happiest moments of her life either, him murdering Theoric on top of it all. Only recently he had shown another side of himself, a side she liked, a side she could love.

She laid her hand on his cheek and he looked at her then, eyes moisten. ‘I could’, she whispered, knowing it was not a lie.

*

‘How could you have brought her here!?’ Sif yelled at Thor.

‘She is ill, Sif, very ill. The Midgardian doctors do not know anything of these types of illnesses. I had to bring her here.’

‘You _had_ to, or you _wanted_ to? Admit it Thor, you are still in love with her!’

‘I am not, I love you.’ Thor laid his hand on Sif’s cheek, but she pushed him away.

‘Don’t touch me!’

Loki and Sigyn just stood by and watched Thor and Sif quarrel with each other. Thor had brought Jane to Asgard because he claimed her to be ill. He tried to be subtle, but eventually the whole court witnessed her being brought to the palace. Odin was not very pleased seeing her here and demanded the Midgardian doctors had to take care of her illness. But Thor pressed on and eventually convinced the All-Father to bring Jane to the healers. They concluded the Aether had taken control over her body and she was in grave danger. A power like that could kill her. She was put to rest and now Thor and Sif were making a row in one of the smaller halls.

‘If it was not for Loki and Sigyn you would never have married me!’ Sif continued.

‘I would in time, for Jane and I could never be, I knew that as did she.’

‘In time? How long would that be? After she grew old? After she died?’

‘Sif.’ Thor wanted to take her hand, but she did not let him.

‘No Thor, I know enough. I was second choice and always would be second choice.’ She shook her head while tears were filling her eyes. ‘I should have known’, she said before she walked away, hands clenched into fists. Thor didn’t follow her.

‘Should I…’ Sigyn wanted to walk after Sif, but Loki stopped her and shook his head. ‘It’s none of our business.’

Thor turned towards them then and smiled, although his eyes did not. ‘She will come around, she always does.’

Loki did not like to see his brother like this. He looked distressed, not a look that suited him well.

‘I hope you are right, brother, for bringing Jane here I mean.’

‘What do you mean?’ Thor asked, his voice low.

‘Would it not attract enemies? For such a power is most wanted for many.’

Thor straightened his back. ‘I would do everything in my power to protect Asgard and its people.’

‘Are you sure you are capable enough, Asgard is capable enough?’

Thor walked towards him, his face angry. ‘What are you implying, Loki? Do you think I am weak, father’s men are weak?’

Loki shook his head. ‘I said capable, not weak.’

‘You speak in riddles, brother, like always. Say what you know!’

‘I know we are in danger’, Loki replied with a cool voice.

Suddenly a loud thunder rolled through the palace and the ground under their feet was shaking. Sigyn grabbed Loki’s arm and he turned towards her, ready to protect her if needed. When the shaking stopped, they heard men yelling and everything seemed to happen at the same time. Loki turned to Thor.

‘We are under attack’, he said.

Thor nodded and at that moment the Warriors Three ran in.

‘It are the Dark Elves’, Volstagg said.

‘Fetch Jane, she needs to get out of here now’, Thor commanded them.

The warriors nodded and Hogun and Fandral ran away.

‘Where would you bring her, Thor?’ Volstagg asked.

‘To a place where I can destroy the Aether.’

‘Odin has closed the Bifrost, no one is getting in or out.’

‘Then we need to find another way’, Thor answered and looked towards Loki.

Loki knew his brother needed him, even though he did not trust him, not as he used to at least. But he was the only one of his friends who knew the way between realms well. He could help them without being seen. He nodded and turned to Sigyn. She looked afraid, of course, she must be. They were under attack and a loud thunder was shaking the palace up again.

‘Find Sif and mother, you are safe with them’, he said.

Sigyn’s eyes were trying to hold his, but when a loud thunder cracked the sky again she looked around. ‘Where are you going?’ she asked with a quivering voice.

‘I cannot tell you.’ He laid his hand on her cheek and brought her face to meet his. ‘But remember what I taught you.’

She nodded.

‘Don’t be afraid’, he added.

When the ground stopped shaking, she grabbed him by his collar. ‘Promise me you will come back.’

Loki shook his head. ‘I cannot.’

A tear rolled down Sigyn’s face and she kissed him. ‘I hate you’, she said.

Loki stroked a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘Liar, he whispered.

Watching Sigyn walking away was the worst thing he ever witnessed. He did not know if he would ever see her again, whether he would _live_ to see her again. Worse maybe, she would die in this place. This place he was reconsidering calling his home after all, a home for him and his family. But he could not think about his wife and child now, not when he and Thor were facing danger and possible death.


	14. Chapter 14

Sigyn could not think straight. The palace was being attack by large space ships and men were running and yelling in the direction of the Great Hall. Sigyn was, instinctively, walking the other way. Walking, for running was not a word to describe her pace right now. She was holding one arm around her belly and hid against a pillar when another ship crashed into the palace. She tried to stay calm and get her head together, if not for herself, then for the child.

When the shaking stopped for a moment she wanted to walk further, finding her way to Frigga’s chambers. But when she looked up a huge creature was standing in front of her. He had horns on his head and had the scariest grin on his face. In his hand he held a grand sword, it was dripping blood. She recognized this creature from prison. She reached for her daggers, but none seemed to appear in her hand. The creature came towards her and she started to panic.

Fear was her worst enemy in battle, Loki taught her that. But fear was the only thing in her mind right now. She needed to defend herself, not only for herself, but for the child as well. When she finally found something steady in her hand the creature was already standing in front of her. She screamed and pushed the dagger under his ribs before he could attack her. She felt the dagger move up through his leather suit and reaching the flesh. When she pulled away, her hand was covered in blood. She staggered backwards. The creature looked at her. He did not seem affected by it at all. He raised his blade.

‘Sigyn move!’ Sif yelled.

When Sigyn stepped aside Sif pierced the creature in the back with the length of her sword. The creature stumbled forward and fell down next to Sigyn’s feet. She looked up to Sif, who pulled her sword out of the body. She grinned while wiping the blood at her boot.

‘Never underestimate an angry whale.’

Sigyn smiled relieved. ‘Thank you.’

‘Where were you going to?’ Sif asked her with her more cold voice.

‘To find you and the All-mother.’

‘Follow me then, I know a safer way.’

Sigyn followed Sif through hallways she herself had never been before. They were more gloomy and darker than the ones she knew. But she did not care as long as they brought her to safety and away from the horrid creatures.

‘You did well, by the way’, Sif said.

‘Loki taught me’, Sigyn answered and smiled while she thought ofhim.

They spent a lot of time together lately, starting their day greeting the sun, followed by breakfast. She mostly spent the rest of the morning in the garden while he read. After she rested they met again in the afternoon practising throwing daggers and magic. She liked having him around more often and he seemed to enjoy her company as well.

‘Then he taught you well.’ Sif looked towards Sigyn with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t tell him I told you.’

Sigyn smiled. ‘I won’t, I promise.’

When they reached Frigga’s part of the palace, the queen was already fighting off two of the same creatures Sigyn and Sif had come across. Sigyn did not know Frigga could handle a sword so well, but it was clear she could not fight them on their own. Sif was already attacking one of them, while Sigyn tried to distract the one Frigga was fighting with her magic. She doubled herself and appeared in the creature’s eyesight.

‘That’s her!’ he yelled and ran towards Sigyn’s double. But when he reached the double, it disappeared in front of his face. At the moment he realised Sigyn wasn’t really there, Frigga pierced her sword into his side and he fell on the floor. The bloody point stuck out of his back. Frigga looked at Sigyn then and pointed behind her.

‘Look out!’

When Sigyn turned around she saw a smaller creature ran towards her. A dagger appeared in her hand and while he was moving closer she tried to bring her breathing in control. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. She had to throw the dagger now or she would be too late. She focused on the base of his throat and she threw the dagger like Loki taught her, from her shoulder and with a slight sweep. When she let it go she followed its movement and saw it piercing him in the neck. He fell directly on the floor.

‘We have to move out of here!’ Sif yelled, while she stabbed her sword through the lower body of the creature. It fell on his knees and she pulled her sword out. She then removed his head from his torso. Both fell with a loud bang on the floor.

Sigyn looked at it with wide eyes. She could not move for a moment, for she was sure if she really registered what just happened, she would be sick.

Frigga grabbed her hand. ‘Come, Sigyn.’

Sigyn followed Sif and Frigga through the chambers of the queen, leaving a track of blood behind of the creatures they killed.

‘Are you sure they would not find us here?’ Sigyn asked.

‘The palace is more than just these corridors and chambers, my child’, Frigga answers. ‘My refuge from everything that has to do with the palace life is Fensalir. My magic is most powerful there and will protect us.’

Suddenly Sigyn was not feeling well. She was sweating and dizziness overwhelmed her. She slowed her pace and grasped for stability to the wall. Her heartbeat accelerated and she could hardly breathe. She sank through her legs and closed her eyes. She heard someone calling her name, but she could not tell who it was.   


Then she saw Loki. He almost got sucked into a black hole, but Thor saved him just in time. He was fighting Dark Elves and snapping their necks. Suddenly a big creature like she encountered was coming towards him and he got stabbed. Loki killed him, but was falling on the ground as well. Thor bent over him.

When Sigyn woke up she screamed his name. Frigga and Sif were sitting at her side and looked at her with worried faces. She breathed heavily and looked into the women’s eyes.

‘What’s wrong with Loki?’ Frigga asked.

‘He is dying.’ Sigyn wanted to stand up, but her legs were too weak. ‘I have to go to him, he is dying.’

Blindly she grabbed around her and when she finally had hold to a low cabinet beside her she pulled herself up.

‘I have to go to him, I have to!’

Frigga and Sif were standing up as well.

‘You cannot, my child, it’s too dangerous. Thor is there, he will bring him back’, Frigga answered.

‘No, he does not. He thinks Loki is death, but he is not. I can save him. I am the only one who can save him now. Let me go, please!’

Frigga looked at Sif. ‘Odin won’t let her, he closed the Bifrost’, Sif said.

‘I know another way’, Sigyn replied in haste.

Frigga laid her hand on Sigyn’s shoulder. ‘Yes, there is another way. Follow me.’

They followed their path and came across a garden like Sigyn never saw before. It looked more like a swamp then a garden, with water lilies growing in plenitude. But time for more than a quick look she had not, for all that was in her mind right now was Loki. She knew where they had gone to. The planet was dark, nothing was growing there. It consisted only out of dark stones, stones dark as ashes. She knew they went to the realm of the Dark Elves.

When they reached a larger hall they went straight to the balcony. A skiff was bound to the railing.

‘I don’t know how to drive or sail such a thing’, Sigyn said.

‘But _I_ do’, Sif answered.

Sigyn looked towards her. ‘Are you coming with me?’

‘Of course, who else is going to protect you?’

Sigyn turned to Frigga then.

The queen took both her hands in hers. ‘Go, save him, save my son.’

‘What about you?’ Sigyn asked.

‘I will be fine. They will not find me here, I promise.’

Sigyn embraced her then. She did not know if it was appropriate or not, but she did not care. Frigga did not seem to mind for she wrapped her arms around Sigyn as well. Sigyn closed her eyes for a short moment and breathed deeply. When she looked at the queen they both smiled.

‘Go now’, Frigga said.

Sigyn nodded and Sif helped her to board the skiff. She cut the rope and quicker than Sigyn expected they reached high speed.

‘Where to now, Sigyn?’ Sif asked.

Sigyn closed her eyes. She needed to find the portal, she needed to pick up some sort of energy. They did practice this, but only once. She reached out her arms in front of her, just like she did when she wanted to pick up the energy of the sun.

‘Quickly, Sigyn, they are already following us’, Sif said.

When Sigyn looked around she saw two ships following them. How was it possible for her to concentrate now? Panic and fear were mastering her again. She laid her hands around her belly and thought of their child growing up happy in a peaceful place, surrounded by her parents, her aunt and uncle and her grandparents.

‘I know where it is!’ Sigyn yelled. ‘Do you know the statue of _Bor_ with the Harrow?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘Fly us there and do not stop when we passed it.’

‘Are you mad?!’ Sif yelled. ‘There’s no passage there, it will kill us!’

‘No, trust me, it will not.’

Sigyn turned around and saw the two ships drawing near. ‘Is it possible to go somewhat faster?’

‘Sure!’

Sigyn fell backwards when Sif speeded up. She looked towards the female warrior and she saw her grinning. She knew then she did that on purpose, but let it go. Now, in her own element, Sif looked happier than Sigyn had ever seen her. She was big from her pregnancy and maybe she seemed not that flexible, but her enemies would underestimate her for she was still a very skilled warrior. Thor was wrong not to let her training with him. Of course he was worried, but if he saw her right now, he had nothing to worry about.

When they passed the statue its head was decapitated. They both looked at it, but they could not lose focus.

Sigyn moved next to Sif. ‘Speed it up.’

‘You are mad!’

‘Do it!’

Sif was doing what Sigyn told her and with the maximum speed they entered the small pathway between two mountains. They both screamed and Sigyn closed her eyes. But when she opened them again they were in a different surrounding. The world was dark and the land existed of stones with the colour of ash.

When Sif lowered the speed they could both look around for Loki. It was difficult to see anything at first because her eyes needed to adjust to the darkness. But when she saw a couple of bodies on the ground she pointed.

‘Over there!’

Sif looked as well.

‘It’s Loki!’ Sigyn yelled and wanted to jump straight from board.

‘Wait until I land this thing first’, Sif commanded and Sigyn waited impatiently.

When the skiff nearly touched the surface Sigyn jumped out, something she should not have done for her legs could not hold her and she fell on the ground. Pain stung through her body and immediately she laid her hand on her belly. But when everything seemed to be in order, she stood up and walked towards Loki. She kneeled beside him and took his head in her lap. His skin looked grey like ash. With trembling hands she tried to open his leather armour, but whatever she tried it did not seem to work.

‘Use this’. Sif said and gave her a dagger.

Carefully Sigyn cut in his clothes and when she found the under layer of his armour she could see the stab wound. It was not red blood that poured out, but black, as if he had been poisoned. It was not the wound that was killing him, but this poison, it was killing him, slowly. Sigyn ripped some fabric off her dress and pressed it on the wound. It was not bleeding heavily anymore, but she needed to clean it before she started her healing.

She laid one hand on his head and the other one on his wound. She closed her eyes and chanted. She chanted in the old language, the language her mother spoke and her mother before her. She called for the magic of her ancestors to strengthen her own. When she felt their magic flow through her veins she concentrated on Loki’s wound. The poison sickened her, but she knew it would not hurt her body in any way because her ancestors were protecting her. The horrible feeling was only mentally, but it felt so real she almost wanted to scream.

‘Sigyn, you might want to hurry’, Sif said. ‘We have been followed.’

‘Protect me as long as you can’, Sigyn replied, not looking around.

‘I will try.’

Sigyn breathed deeply and chanted for more energy. She was tired, but she had to go on. If she did not help him now, he would die and he could not die, not like this.

‘Come on, Loki’, she whispered.

He needed to see his child be born, to hold her and see her grow up, to love her and be loved unconditionally. She was dizzy because she used almost all of her power. She breathed in and out deeply again and when she chanted for more energy she heard him whisper her name.

She opened her eyes and looked into his. His skin had turned back into Asgardian pink again. He reached for her face.

‘Sigyn.’

She took his hand and kissed his fingers.

‘Thank me later.’

‘Sigyn! Watch out!’ Sif yelled.

When Sigyn turned around she saw a Dark Elf running towards her. She held her hand up and a dagger appeared out of thin air. She aimed at his chest and he slowed his pace when she hit him. She wanted to stand up, but her legs could not hold her anymore. Another dagger appeared in her hand, but before she had the chance to throw it another dagger flew through the sky and pierced the elf in his head.

Before she had the time to even look around Loki grabbed her by her waist and helped her up. She was too weak to walk herself, but Loki helped her to the skiff and a little clumsy she climbed in.

He jumped on board. ‘Hold your daggers ready.’

‘We have to pick up Sif first!’ Sigyn yelled when the skiff was immediately at a high speed level.

‘Do we have to?’

Sigyn looked at Loki, her face was annoyed. ‘If it wasn’t for her I would not have been alive, so yes.’

Loki grinned. ‘Just kidding.’

Sif was fighting one of the last of the Dark Elves who made it through the portal. Loki reached for her hand.

‘Sif!’ Sigyn screamed.

Sif took Loki’s hand and he pulled her into the skiff.

He looked at her with a weary face.

‘Shut up, Loki’, Sif said before he even opened his mouth. ‘It was not _that_ hard.’

He grinned. ‘Maybe not.’

Sigyn suddenly felt very dizzy and the world was spinning like mad around her. Black dots appeared in front of her eyes and before she realised Loki kneeled beside her she passed out.

*

When Sigyn woke she felt a warm body lying next to her. She recognized his scent by now, woody and spicy, with a hint of leather. She moaned softly and nuzzled her face against his shirt. He stroked her hair.

‘Sigyn’, his mouth was closer to her ear than she realised and she shivered, for his voice was silky sweet.

‘I am tired’, she mumbled, not wanting to open her eyes. ‘So tired.’

Loki pressed a kiss upon her head. ‘I know. Sleep, my fair Sigyn.’

And she did just that.

*

The next time Sigyn woke she did open her eyes. Loki still lay next to her, his arm placed around her waist and his hand protectively on her belly. She yawned and turned towards him. He slept now. She stroked his peaceful face. He opened one eye.

‘You are awake, finally’, he said with a sleepy voice.

She smiled. ‘But now you are not.’

He closed his eye again. ‘Mmm’, he pulled her closer towards him, but her belly prevented it. ‘You are getting to round.’

‘Fat you mean?’

Loki pressed a kiss on her forehead. ‘No, round.’

Sigyn laid her head against his chest. ‘Sleep, you are too tired to have a serious conversation with.’

‘Mmm, you better not be asleep when I wake’, he mumbled.

Sigyn smiled. ‘I promise.’

*

Sigyn felt a kiss press lightly on her forehead and when she looked up Loki’s green eyes were greeting her. ‘Good morning.’

She sat a little bit upright, like he. ‘Is it morning yet?’

‘They brought us breakfast, so I would think so’, he answered.

Sigyn frowned. They were not in their chambers. Everything was white with golden details here and there.

‘Where are we?’ She asked.

‘In the healers’ chambers.’

Sigyn remembered only then what had happened.

‘Are you alright?’

She pushed the blanket away and opened his green cotton shirt. She saw a scar still, but everything had healed. She stroked his skin with the light touch of her hand. He gasped and took her hand.

‘Sigyn, I am fine.’

She looked at his face then, really looked. ‘You were poisoned, I remember, your face looked like ashes when I came to you.’

‘You saved me Sigyn, you did, and I owe you my life for it.’

Sigyn averted her gaze from his and felt her cheeks redden. She laid her other hand on her belly and she was reassured to feel her hart was still beating.

‘They have checked you and the child, you both are in good health’, Loki said. ‘I know, because I was there.’

Sigyn looked up at him. ‘I am so relieved that she is ok, that you are ok.’

Loki lowered his eyes to their hands that were still bound. The energy of their magic flowing between them was palpable and it felt even stronger than before.

‘It’s alright if you only did it for her, I would understand.’

Sigyn moved closer to him and breathed deeply. ‘I did not. I did it for you and myself as well.’

Loki looked at her then, his eyes were moist. ‘I don’t understand’, he whispered.

Sigyn stroked his cheek, his healthy Asgardian pink cheek. ‘I love you’, she answered with an even softer voice than he, but he heard her clearly.

‘Why? I have caused you only pain.’

‘No, you have not. You have given me this child.’

Loki shook his head. ‘Surely that’s not enough.’

‘Recognition.’

‘Recognition?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is that’s all what’s required?’ Loki asked a bit sheepish.

Sigyn nodded and laid her head against his shoulder. ‘For now.’


	15. Chapter 15

In the end it was Thor who defeated the Dark Elves and saved the whole Nine Realms from total darkness. The feast lasted for three days. Loki and Sigyn did not join, could not, for they were still in the healer’s chambers for observation by then. But Loki did not mind at all, he wanted to be alone with Sigyn.

When they were both back to strength again they could return to their chambers. Every day at dawn they greeted the sun and made love afterwards in the high grass. During the morning Sigyn tended the garden, not the herbal garden, but the small garden with the pond. The attack left it ruined and she enjoyed making it beautiful again. Loki went with her. He sat on the patio to watch her work or read a book. After lunch she always lay down for an hour or two, while Loki practiced with his daggers or magic. In the afternoon she read to her child and Loki listened. He liked to lay with his head on her lap and feel their child in her womb.

He thought about what Sigyn said, about recognition. She was right, there were similarities between them, more than he could ever have thought to have between him and another person. But was it enough? It was not long ago that she called him a monster, a killer and he was for he had done terrible things. He lashed out because he was lied to all his life. He wanted to destroy every love he ever felt for his family, a family he could not even call his own anymore. But more, he wanted to destroy himself, needed to. If he wasn’t an Aesir, wasn’t an Odinson, could he be a Jotun, a Laufeyson? Could he live up to be a monster like the Frost Giants are told to be?

But at the moment he made a deal with The Other, he knew he could not. Still he tried to convince himself to destroy what made him who he was and live up to the creature he supposed to be. But agent Coulson was right; he did lack conviction. He could never kill Thor, even if he hated him more than anything in the Nine Realms at that moment. He hated himself even more and he wanted to feel the pain, he deserved to feel it.

When he was put into prison he knew he belonged there and should be there for the rest of his life. He did not deserve happiness, did not deserve to be loved, for he _had_ become the monster parents tell their children about at night. But his mother came to him often, showed him she still cared, she still loved him. Slowly he came to his senses and realized he did not recognize the person he had become. He was not a monster, not a killer, but a trickster, a lie-smith, a silver-tongue. Still, he was a Frost Giant and killed a lot of innocent people. So he did belong in his cell and be locked away forever.

Though a part of him always wanted to escape and when that moment came, he took it with both hands. Ugly or not, he would have married Sigyn, married any woman to get him out of there. After so much destruction he wanted to live. Although he would never have imagined he could be satisfied with a life like this. To form a family with Sigyn and later their little girl. But he liked the simplicity of it and the easiness how things went. For now, he wanted nothing else.

Suddenly Sigyn stopped reading and laid her hand on her belly. ‘I wish she would stop kicking for just one second.’

‘I think she likes the story.’

‘It’s about gardening! You weren’t listening at all, were you?’

Loki looked up to her and grinned. ‘Don’t be mad, it’s for her you are reading your books out loud, isn’t it?’

‘You find it stupid.’

Loki sat up. ‘No, I never said that.’

Sigyn closed the book and laid it aside. ‘It’s stupid. I thought hearing her mother’s voice would calm her down, but instead she is not calm at all.’

Loki moved closer to her and laid his hand on hers. ‘Maybe that’s because I am here.’ He kissed her cheek softly. ‘She rejoices to be in my presence.’

Sigyn laughed and looked at him. ‘Wait until she knows what a brag you are.’

Loki moved his lips towards hers. ‘She would love me, for I would brag about her all the time to anyone who wants to hear and not want to hear.’

He felt her smiling against his lips. ‘Be careful, before you know it we are back where we started.’

Loki placed his arm around her waist. ‘I don’t care.’ Slowly he laid her down and looked deep into her blue eyes. ‘I love you’, he added and before she could reply he kissed her.

*

Loki and Sigyn were summoned by Odin. They hadn’t spent much time in the presence of others as they were still excused for dinner. Frigga visited them once to check if both were alright, but she did not stay long. There were a lot of things that needed her attention since the palace and other parts of the city were still in ruins.

Sigyn grabbed Loki’s hand when they entered the Grand Hall. People of the court were standing on the side and watched them walking to the All-Father who sat on the high throne and stared at them intently. Sigyn’s pace was nervously fast. Loki pulled her lightly back towards him and pinched her hand.

‘Stride, like a queen’, he said.

Sigyn observed his footsteps. They were slow, but steady. Then she viewed his straightened posture and his slightly tilted face. He looked regal. She straightened her posture as well and she fixed her eyes on the stairs. She could not look at the All-Father and the people who were watching them.

It felt like they were facing their final judgement, as if the All-Father would decide if they were worthy enough to stay in their midst or if they were banned to a life outside their inner circle. Sigyn hoped they were still welcome. Loki needed his family, although he would perhaps think otherwise. She also wanted her daughter to grow up with her aunt and uncle and grandparents.

When they reached the golden stairs at the base of the throne the queen, Thor and Sif greeted them with a bow of their heads. Sigyn didn’t know if she should greet them back and looked at Loki, but his gaze was fixed on the All-Father. He let Sigyn’s hand go and bowed with his hand placed in front of his chest.

‘All-Father.’

‘Loki.’

When Odin fixed his gaze on Sigyn he startled her and quickly she bowed as well, although her belly prevented her to bow as low as Loki.

‘You both are summoned here since you weren’t present at the feast. Loki’, Odin’s voice hardened when he said his son’s name. ‘You and Thor both deliberately disobeyed me, I did not close the Bifrost for you two to sneak off. You should have stayed by my side and fight. But it seemed by taking Jane away you stopped the Dark Elves from attacking Asgard. And since you also took the blow for Thor, your deeds are considered noble.’ Odin bowed his head a little. ‘I am proud at you son.’

Sigyn looked at Loki who lowered his eyes and clenched his hands into fists. She did not know he had risked his own life for that of his brother. On the one hand it frightened her, she could have lost him! But on the other hand she was happy, for it meant Loki still loved Thor.

‘Sigyn.’ She moved her gaze back towards the All-Father when he spoke to her. ‘I thank you for saving my son and I want to honour you. If you would come here, my child.’

When Sigyn met Loki’s eyes his were just as confused as hers. But he nodded and she walked the stairs. She tried to stride, although it felt like she had lead in her shoes for the steps were heavy to walk. When she arrived at the top the All-Father rose and asked her to kneel. He laid his hand on her head.

‘I pronounce you, Sigyn Björnsdottir, Sigyn, Goddess of Fidelity.’

When he moved his hand away she felt dizzy as if she just blacked out for a moment. A guard helped her to her feet.

‘We will feast tonight in honour of you’, Odin added.

Sigyn bowed. When she turned around she saw all the other people bowing as well. It confused her. They were not bowing for her, were they? The guard helped her down the stairs and all the while the people bowed, even Loki, even her husband, still bowed. Tears filled her eyes. She did not understand. Why would Odin honour her with this? It could not be just because she saved his son, could it?

When she reached the floor, the guard let her go and bowed as well. She walked to Loki and took his hand.

‘Please, don’t bow for me’, she whispered.

He looked up. ‘If there is anyone in this Hall who should bow for you, it’s me, my fair Sigyn,’ he replied softly.

A tear rolled down her face. ‘I don’t understand.’

Loki laid his hand on her cheek. ‘It’s your redemption.’

‘What about yours?’ she asked with a trembling voice.

He pressed a kiss on her forehead. ‘I am starting to believe you are.’

*

Loki never heard Sigyn speaking as lively at the dinner table as tonight. Her voice even surpassed Volstagg when she told that Sif said never to underestimate an angry whale when she just killed one of the creatures that attack her. All of them laughed, even Sif.

Sif herself was in a better mood after Thor let her train with them again. He trusted her to know her own boundaries and she did know. She trained in the mornings and rested in the afternoons. Thor even went to rest with her most of the time. As they spent more time together their relationship grew better and they looked like a happy couple. They showed their affection by taking each other’s hand sometimes or speaking quietly to one and other. Loki even saw Thor nuzzling through Sif’s hair and kissing her on her cheek afterwards one time. Sif showed a shy smile on her face Loki never witnessed before.

Loki did not follow much of the conversation held between his table companions since his thoughts were focused on Odin’s words all evening. He told him he was proud at him. Loki wished it did not matter, but it did. All his life he wanted to make Odin proud, prove him he was a worthy son, as worthy as Thor. Now, when he almost gave his life for the golden son, he proved worthy? It felt wrong in some way. Then again, he tried to kill Thor more than once, so maybe it was more suitable than he first thought.

Loki still did not trust Odin, although he showed his respect to them for making his wife one of the gods, an Aesir. It was all of her own doing. His brave and fair Sigyn. He stroked her fine copper blonde hair. She looked at him. Her blue eyes were weary from this eventful evening, but full of life. Softly he kissed her cheek. Sigyn, the Goddess of Fidelity.

*

‘Why don’t they let me in?! Can’t you hear her screaming?’

Loki was pacing up and down in front of the healer’s chambers doors. They were guarded with two men. Thor was there with him, but not much help.

‘They don’t want any of the men present at the birth, you know that’, Thor answered.

‘So mother can be there, but I, the father of this child cannot. It’s outrageous!’

‘Loki, calm yourself, if something was amiss, they would have told you by now.’

Loki turned towards Thor, his face was flustered. ‘Calm myself? Wait until you are here and Sif is lying there screaming her lungs out.’

‘Well, I hope you are here then, to calm me.’

‘I? Never again!’

Loki could hear Sigyn screaming and moaning once more. He clenched his hands into fists. She was even calling his name now.

‘I can’t take it any longer. Get out of my way, you stupid imbeciles!’

Loki pushed the guards away and stormed through the doors. The guards wanted to follow him, but Thor shook his head and followed his brother inside. Loki ran to Sigyn and took her hand. She looked at him.

‘Loki’, she whispered.

Frigga looked from Loki to Thor. ‘What are you two doing here?’

‘I could not stop him, mother’, Thor answered.

Frigga shook her head. ‘Could not or would not?’

‘I am so glad you are here’, Sigyn continued with a soft voice.

‘I would be here sooner, but _they’_ , and Loki glanced to his mother and brother, ‘would not let me.’

Frigga looked sternly at her son, but did not answer him.

Sigyn pinched in his hand. ‘Close your eyes’, she told him. ‘It will be over soon.’

When Loki closed his eyes he could feel their magic connecting and her using a part of his strength to push. She screamed and moaned and the hold on his hand tightened, it was like his own magic was fighting him now. He tightened his jaw. She did not know she pained him as well, severely almost. But when she gave her final push, she lessened the tightness of the grip. Immediately he felt the pain soften, as if she was healing him while she gave him his magic back.

The baby girl screamed when the navel cord was cut and wrapped in a cloth was laid on Sigyn’s chest. Loki joined Sigyn on the bed and looked with full wonder at their little girl. She was pink, Aesir pink, not monstrous blue. Little black hairs were already present on her head and when she opened her eyes after she stopped crying, they were bright blue, not monstrous red.

‘She is beautiful’, Loki said his voice thick with awe.

Sigyn pressed a light kiss on her forehead. ‘Hello Runa.’

‘May I hold her?’ Loki asked almost carefully.

Sigyn looked at him and smiled. ‘Of course you may.’

Carefully he took their child from her arms and held her close to his chest. She was so tiny. He opened the cloth and looked at her hands and feet. Ten fingers, ten toes. He smiled, she was perfect. When he closed the cloth he nuzzled her carefully, she squirmed a little. She smelled sweet like a baby, his baby. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes for a moment.

‘I love you’, he whispered.

Then he looked at Sigyn. She had tears in her eyes, just like he. He placed their child back in her arms and pressed a kiss on her temple. Sigyn rested her head on his shoulder and they both looked at Runa, their little baby girl, not realizing at all there were other people in the room present as well.


End file.
